Unmotivated

I stared at Illustrator for the umpteenth time, to zero productivity, even if there was, it lasted only a few seconds. I tried to inspire myself by looking at some design books but to no avail, the inspiration lasted only that long enough for me to create a point then delete it soon after; I went back to staring at illustrator at the end of it all.

Have I been thinking about a lot of things again?

Recently, news of rising food prices have caused furor in many countries, while I am blessed to be far away from the chaos, I cannot help but snicker about the fact that we brought that fate onto ourselves, who else can we blame but ourselves for destroying what Mother Nature has bestowed upon us? Just days ago, I asked my sister why she left her room light switched on and she gave an invalid reason which I readily dismissed and branded her a murderer; of our planet.

So much for educating people on saving our world, seriously.

Looking at the archived posts, I realized how much of a cynic i have become; from a rather trusting and opinionated person to a distrustful and silent observer from the sidelines, over a short span of four years. somehow, it irks me to read those posts; as if I am reading about a kid who cannot stop ranting and whining about his life, so I bade farewell to this kid, by deleting those posts away, erasing them forever from my memory.

Who knows, maybe another four years down the road, I may be repeating the same act.

Four years versus one year, almost the same amount of school fee, I contemplated again, over which university to attend should both accept me, any person in the right state of mind will definitely choose the latter, notwithstanding the fact that they merely provided their personal choice, without factoring in the school fee. I tried weighing the pros and cons of both, and found myself stuck, since I favored the one with more cons than pros, ironic.

There you have it, proof of me thinking too much through an illogical mental process.

I want to disappear from Singapore for a short while, visiting a new destination by myself; a relief from the strangling thoughts suffocating me. Hopefully by then, I can be back on track to be productive again.

So I switched back to Illustrator, as I always do, staring at it for the last time, recalling traces of random pen points and their tangents on the blank white artboard; another day wasted just like this, I mused to myself.