relinquishment

could not find the ways to describe what i was feeling over the past weeks, maybe i was busy sailing, settling down in the new house, configuring my new computer or playing Final Fantasy XII even? i don't know.

somehow i feel disconnected from reality.

yesterday while in my officer's car home, he told me how he observed me to be a quiet person, i was not surprised at such presumptuous remark. i have indeed been very quiet over the past few weeks, talking only when required or simply for the sake of talking; superficiality.

last week, i had a nightmare.

it just so coincided with the news the next day about terrorists. i dreamt of a few people; no names mentioned, randomly running around the building, somehow searching for something, and there i was, standing in a room looking at them through different monitors. the next thing i knew, a remote control was in my hand, one by one, bombs exploded and they started dying, and i? shot myself in the head. it still haunts me to date, especially how a few of them actually had problems in reality.

i could be searching for the reason why i had that nightmare in reality, the truth may be harsh to bear, but deluding the truth only bring forth far greater sadness. i want to help these people; relinquish your woes unto me, share with me your burden.