snap

what has gotten to me of late?

did i snap at that very instant when people merely offered their kind advice? looking back at how i reacted to certain situations, i realized i could have made it much more better for both me and the other party, by not snapping at it. i guess i couldn't, afterall, past bad experiences have come back haunting me, so everytime when something bad happens between me and someone else, i always have this recurring imagery of something bad that happened between us that prevents me from forgiving that person easily. i do hope it's temporary cause if it continues this way, i am not the forgiving type of person people used to know me as last time.

i hope people can understand that when i am awfully quiet sometimes and don't talk, i am not deliberately alienating that particular person, i am just finding myself, lost over what i just did to incur my own wrath, and possibly the wrath of others. forgiveness; such a strange expression we use to toy around with each other's feelings, it can either break or strengthen a relationship, depending on how you preceive forgiveness. have i forgiven too easily?

did i expect too much from the people around me? what are the roles of my family? my friends? my instructors? the government? are they there just to fill up my life as numbers? did i make friends just for the sake of company? i make a stand in this post, that my friends were never treated as numbers, i don't go around counting how many friends i have and make comparisons with popular people, just how superficial is that going around saying "oh well, i have like one hundred more friends than you"? in any case, being my friend, means i treat you with utmost respect and having said that, i expect no reciprocation of any help i render, but i insist that respect be reciprocated. what kind of relationship, let alone friendship, is without respect? sometimes, i do find myself expecting too much out of people when i cannot even fulfil a simple request of theirs, i just cannot reason with why i behave like this, was it innate or molded through experiences?

okay i think i rambled enough random stuff, gotten quite a fair bit of my chest, which is pretty rare i must say, will be back for a proper update soon, since like national day?