Momento mori

Almost a Hero

2010-08-20T20:01:00.000+08:00

This account is way overdue, I meant to post it on the day it occurred but I guess I was preoccupied with the internship and other commitments back then, so here it goes:

This happened on October 8, 2009.

My colleague commented that I was the odd one out; the lunch group wore either black, white or gray.

I was in red.

A seemingly normal lunch at The Cathay on Thursday became an eventful one, with my Creative Director spotting what appeared to be a perverted man, trying to steal glances at a lady tending to a pushcart store from the second floor. While my colleagues bought their usual dosage of coffee, the rest of us continued scrutinizing his actions, moments later, the lady scurried off to the restroom and he disappeared, to our dismay.

He was once again in our line of sight, this time behaving furtively at the pushcart store. Realizing that he was eying the drawers rather than the lady, we began our pincer movement in a bid to catch him, when my Creative Director shouted and startled him, he made a dash for the nearest exit, which was where two security guards walked in timely and grabbed a plastic bag he carried, unfortunately the other guard did not manage to grab him.

I gave chase around the building to the main entrance, where I caught and pulled him by his printed shirt, in his desperate attempt to escape, he took out what appeared to be a pen and shoved it at me a few times before I relented.

When my colleagues finally caught up with me, they were shocked when I showed them the cuts suffered on my arms, but unbeknownst to them, was a throbbing pain I felt on the left side of my chest after the adrenaline from the chase wore out, when I got back to the office.

I checked out the sharpening pain in the toilet, where a wound that would camouflage itself well under the red t-shirt I wore, perturbed me. Turns out, in the thief's desperate bid to escape, he skillfully aimed straight for my heart:

As uploaded on Facebook on the day of the incident, after I got home.

"Wouldn't dare imagine how it'd be if it was a knife" was the picture caption, and I am indeed fortunate that it wasn't, until a week later, the Suits intern came in with The New Paper reporting the capture of a snatch thief.

The photos matched the description of the thief I tried to catch, so I went on to read about the courageous act of the good citizen who managed to subdue him:

"A PUBLIC-SPIRITED passer-by foiled an attempted theft at China Square Central on Thursday when he rushed to the aid of the victim who cried out for help

The 40-year-old woman was preparing to open her push-cart stall for business at about 11.15am when she was alerted by a staff from a neighbouring push-cart that a man had stolen her handbag.

When the victim turned around, she caught sight of a man running away. She immediately shouted: 'Robbery!' and asked passers-by to stop the man. Her cries attracted the attention of 25-year-old Romeo Alfen Bin Abdul Wahid who works as a manager at a nearby cafe.

Mr Romeo chased the suspect and caught him. As he was trying to subdue the thief, the suspect took out a screwdriver and stabbed Mr Romeo's stomach but missed. A scuffle ensued but Mr Romeo managed to pin the suspect onto the floor with the help of other passers-by.

Mr Romeo, who is also a police national serviceman, suffered a superficial scratch on his neck. Police arrived shortly afterwards and arrested the 52-year-old suspect. The victim's handbag was recovered with its contents intact."

This was quoted off The Straits Times website on October 15, 2009. Pretty much sums up what The New Paper reported, but what scared me after reading the report, was the fact that he stabbed me with, not a pen, but a screwdriver.

I still get goosebumps thinking about that.

Anyways, yes, kudos to Mr. Romeo for his heroic act of saving a damsel in distress, even though I was almost a hero, justice prevailing is what really matters at the end of the day.

Passion

2010-08-02T03:09:00.001+08:00

What are you passionate about?

I seldom make logical conclusions, even though I remain highly rational in thought, I choose to let emotions take over at the end, because I still believe in what my heart tells me to do.

Many a times, I get disheartened by the realities of life; I failed to land my dream job as a copywriter despite graduating from university a year ago. I was in self-reproach during this period of time:

"Forget big names, why can't I even get a junior position as a copywriter elsewhere?"

"Man, they're drawing good salaries and enjoying their work, what am I doing?"

Jealously crept in, it was inevitable. It aggravated the blame that I was freelancing (read: a pleasant term to replace unemployment), struggling to make ends meet, while giving myself more time and space to rework my portfolio:

"Ah, such a convenient excuse!"

It was. I moved on from the incessant, tormenting monologues, giving much thought to how my reworked portfolio would feel like instead, but what I really wanted, was to get out of the country. I felt suffocated and estranged by the words and motivations of the people around me; a breath of fresh air, a change of landscape and pace, was something I needed.

So I went to London, where my long lost interest in the performing arts was revived. I wasn't born to sing (a recent trial recording went awry and I am somewhat, devastated), but I always had the reflexes and agility to dance. I was the bouncy kid some of my friends have come to know me as back in secondary school, I watched musicals and dance productions as often as I could with friends who shared the passion for the performing arts, but I knew my parents wouldn't approve of me attending arts school, knowing full well that I'd stick out as a sore thumb among cousins who were academically inclined.

And so I was herded along the educational system, unwillingly.

Till this day, I'm pursuing what eventually evolved out of my ability to write, to better express myself through words, to make a living out of writing in context for different industries and scenarios. But here I am, half past two in the morning, introspecting to a piano tune I'm used to listening.

So the question begets, what are you passionate about?

Passion is a positive, compelling emotion that springs me to action. At a certain stage of my university education, I was fiercely in love with words; the beauty of expressing oneself through poems, stories and songs. That hasn't waned as much as I feared, but passion is not one-sided.

Had I not been exposed to influences such as my wonderful English teacher who got me interested in linguistics, media such as Glee on television and Wicked on West End, there wouldn't be the revival of my other passion in the performing arts. So I'd like to thank my friends who have supported and encouraged me in the decision to pursue the performing arts.

It doesn't matter if I'm just a swing playing minor roles in a small production, as long as my passion burns fervently, with hard work and supportive friends, I know my passion will bring me fulfillment money can't.

So, what are you truly passionate about? Share with me your thoughts, and oh, if you've read till this bit, drop me a message so that I know you've been here. Cheers!

Frozen

2010-05-04T22:40:00.003+08:00

Madonna's Frozen aptly describes how I felt over the past two months:

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken

Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

If I could melt your heart

Emotionally frozen, rationally focused.

Yes, that's the way to tread the path ahead. Waste no time lamenting on the past, concerning what other people think, say or do, for I have many people to prove wrong.

Friends in Transit

2010-01-30T22:47:00.005+08:00

No one knows what I am thinking. I am no enigma; I am no hermit, yet I remain emotionally distanced from people.

The definition of friendship eludes me, perhaps those misplaced trust and the realities of life change the way we treat friends from time to time; like circumstantial relationships.

Friends can be treated as a commodity, just like how I was treated a few times. Before you know it, a price tag dictating your worth is slapped on your forehead; sold and never seen again.

I have always been ambivalent towards friendships. Should friends be subjected to the hierarchies of our society? Is an influential friend a BFF, while a poor friend is just a friend, or acquaintance even?

While on the crowded train home, passing one station after another, I wonder which friend will alight, and which stranger will come onboard to befriend me.

Arriving at my destination, I wonder when will I ever see them again?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

«火»

2010-01-12T19:43:00.004+08:00

红毛派的这首歌不断地重复着，我在歌词中找到了解脱。

幻觉直觉错觉开始相信痛觉
告别暂别决别没差别
心结纠结完结这迷惘该终结

太多背影在重叠
多走一步就与现实脱节

苏醒算不算复活
有氧气就有脉搏
有时狂热
有时候
俱灰的软弱
反而能够逃躲回忆的恶魔
从前冷暗的生活
是消磨还是琢磨
远处闪烁
是灾祸
重生或解脱
飞娥与凤凰的命运循环
来自火

他们说爱很冷漠
却长出沙漠花朵
卷入往事又松绑的我
绿洲就是你将我的手
紧握

最近有好多烦人的事：

事业，朋友和家人。

我又开始积极地运动，目的并不是为了保健而是逃避。烦恼就像逆风，随着飞奔，把它远远地抛到后头，感觉好爽，但这是暂时的逃避，顺风还是把现实给吹回来。我也尝试在游泳池里憋气，那种宁静，飘逸的感觉好虚幻，因为从水中浮现后，就是嘈杂，消沉的现实。

我好累，不是体力上的累，而是精神上的累。友人说我想太多了，懊恼的是想太多无聊，钻牛角尖的事。经历过不少挫折后，我还是傻呼呼地相信别人所说的话或做的决定，我不想质疑，因为我还坚信我的直觉，理性先搁在一旁。

我应该面对现实了，理性地应战，理性地决定我未来的路该怎么样走，直觉先搁在一旁。

My 2010 Resolutions

2009-12-31T21:15:00.001+08:00

None.

The point of having New Year resolutions is to motivate oneself to work towards certain goals, be it tangible or intangible ones.

I used to be fixated over setting lofty resolutions and always end up fulfilling none at all. As I grew older, resolutions appear to be a superficial and self-consoling excuse one uses to "be a better person next year", for example. In this case, is the measure of a person quantified by the number of good deeds done? How so, is a deed qualified to be good?

Pardon my cynical view towards life, given that this time of the year, the spirit of selfless loving and giving are lauded and the celebratory atmosphere of a bullish economy is looming over the horizon. Work commitments totally killed the festive mood I was supposed to indulge in; I spent Christmas without any red-eyed parties, most likely the last day of the year will be peaceful, albeit lonely.

No matter how cliche the saying goes, time fleets and the next year comes before we know it. This past year has been especially fruitful for me, having met some really great people whom I worked, traveled and subsequently graduated together with. Soon after, I interned at an agency under a great mentor, who affirmed my decision to continue pursuing a career in copywriting.

While I was busy pursuing my education and career, likewise with other friends, inevitably we would drift apart, it's not until we're in the shoes of the experienced, that we realize how difficult it is in different capacities to make commitments. I honestly cherished the little time spent with friends, and hope that in the midst of our expanding social circles and busy careers, we find time to meet up and connect with one another.

So, to sum up 2009 for me, it has been gratifying in my professional development in the creative industry, but at the expense of leaving my friends out in the cold. Since there wouldn't be any resolutions for next year, I shall let nature take its course and anticipate lesser.

Happy New Year!

Convenient Conversations

2009-12-15T15:43:00.007+08:00

I sometimes wonder why am I online on Windows Live Messenger so often and for such long hours.

To maintain a presence in the virtual space?

To gloat over someone's unfortunate personal message or even display name?

To scroll through the list of malfunctioning traffic lights for the fun of it?

To "Appear Offline" and play the game of hide-and-seek with someone you didn't want to talk to for a while?

To avoid unnecessary chit chat by assuming either "Busy" or "Away" status when you're really "Available"?

The list goes on.

Honestly, I don't take online conversations seriously at all, without doubt, I absolutely abhor online discussions as well; unless the tone connotes the gravity or urgency of a situation that mandates one.

If staple expressions such as "lol" isn't enough (most of the time, unnecessary), imagine flashy emoticons plastered all over the conversation; is that even a conversation to begin with? Looks more like pasting pretty stickers on my screen and watching them glow, glitter; even gyrate, you name it!

"L" couldn't take the punching and faded away, "O" is following suit.

I am of course guilty as charged; I still use "lol", among other Internet jargon, to express my amusement at certain things my friends say or show me, but I have gotten over using emoticons, with the exception of the occasional "=)" when I'm truly grateful towards someone, but more on that later.

While I'm almost certain that the copywriter in me hasn't scorned at anyone who commits grammatical or spelling errors; which I will intently notice but keep it within my monologue, I cringe and squint at the premise of illegible words, like the unholy matrimony of letters and numbers to form a word, and the random uppercase and lowercase letters in a word.

I actually admire those who can tolerate such nonsense and the perpetrators themselves, I mean, it takes effort to decide which letters should become numbers, and which letters should be typed with the Caps Lock switched on. So kudos to the amateurs for the effort, but not to the experts since it's second nature to you already.

The thing I've been feeling uncomfortable over using Instant Messaging is the double-edged sword of emotions. When I type "lol" in response to something funny, most of the time in reality, I can only manage a snicker; where did the echoes of my supposed laughter escape to? In some instances, do you really LAUGH OUT LOUD when you type "LOL"?

Many a times, it felt like I was patronizing my friends and similarly, it was easy for them to reciprocate.

But I must admit, on several dire occasions, I did find solace from obliging friends who endured reading chunks of text describing my problems in vivid details. After all, I express myself better through words, and I smile lesser these days; probably due to the lack of novelty in my life, so the humble "=)" usually find its way at the end of a long but fulfilling conversation.

It's so easy to start a conversation these days; click on an "Available" person and chat away at anything under the sun. It must have been such convenience, that we take for granted the value of connecting with someone.

When was the last time I had an online conversation?

Two minutes ago.

When was the last time I met my friend(s) to have a decent face-to-face conversation?

I forgot.

Nostalgia - Home

2009-09-04T16:38:00.002+08:00

It has been half a year ago, since I wrote something here.

Much has happened; I spent a wonderful time with my university mates in Melbourne and Sydney, successfully organized "I have designs on you" and have since graduated. Next week heralds the start of my working life; I will begin my copywriter internship with Paprika.

I have been in the reminiscing mood of late, perhaps it was the dreaded thought of working that set me back in time to appreciate the good old days.

Monday, I returned home; where over two decades of memories still lingers.

I alighted at the same old bus stop; one without a shelter, only a sturdy yet rusting pole, which marked the beginning of the trail back home. The winding steps with overgrown plants and littered foliage, led to the once bustling grocer, now empty and quiet; much of the shops have made way for the sake of novelty.

Stopped by Secret Recipe to grab a quick bite, while I was there, I mused at the tranquility and rustic charm of this neighborhood; despite going through multiple estate facelifts, demolition and reconstruction of the primary school I attended just opposite it, everything remained the way it was; ever so peaceful and laid back.

It had just rained, but that did not put the damper on the children at the playground, looking across the car park, I remembered grandma's wake being held there; a juxtaposition of the living and the departed, our mortality personified.

My pace slowed, as the balcony came into view; I could still vividly remember how the interior looked like; the corner where I would hide and cry after caning sessions, the room where countless tutors tried to talk some sense into me, the dining table where good food was always served.

Three years ago, I moved out. It did not feel that long, as I walked up the slope to the bus stop, where the trail ends; it felt like it was only yesterday, that I returned home.

Gray

2009-03-03T14:45:00.000+08:00

Skies.

Daytime, a blanket of clouds shrouded the sun, cool breezes lullaby my mind to seek out my pillow, suddenly my work screamed for my attention, like an infant; I am back to reality.

Contempt.

I have endured looks and words from many people around me, that passes judgement upon me, I numb and ask myself, in what position were they in to decide what I did was right or wrong?

Choices.

Take a stand and always be prepared for its repercussions, there is no one decision that guarantees a favorable result, which is probably the reason why I still think so much.

Three months; fleeting.

I could not find the words to express how life has been for me since the new year, much has happened definitely, but I have learnt to take them in my stride. I am very much alive, just too committed to school; I chose this path myself and I am not regretting it, though I think I am soon becoming a robot; void of emotions, just slogging towards objectives.

Confiding in someone eases that much of an emotional distress I may have, but I would rather not expose my vulnerability to more people, so work shall be the new emotional anesthesia for me right now.

Fleeting

2008-12-29T17:49:00.001+08:00

Time heals all wounds.

For all of the unjust you people have chosen to inflict upon me, I have chosen to not deepen those scars, rather, to let it slowly fade away from my sight.

Everything boils down to personal choices, and I must remind you people that; what comes around, goes around.

爱上一个天使的缺点
用一种魔鬼的语言
上帝在云端只眨了一眨眼
最后眉一皱头一点

爱上一个认真的消遣
用一朵花开的时间
你在我旁边只打了个照面
五月的晴天闪了电

有生之年狭路相逢
终不能幸免
手心忽然长出纠缠的曲线

懂事之前情动以后
长不过一天
留不住算不出流年

遇见一场烟火的表演
用一场轮回的时间
紫微星流过来不及说再见
已经远离我一光年

有生之年狭路相逢
终不能幸免
手心忽然长出纠缠的曲线

懂事之前情动以后
长不过一天
留不住算不出流年

有生之年狭路相逢
终不能幸免
手心忽然长出纠缠的曲线

懂事之前情动以后
长不过一天
哪一年让一生改变

Backseat

2008-12-14T06:21:00.001+08:00

As we drive on the seemingly endless road, we pick up hitchhikers along the way, sharing the arduous task of safely navigating away from the elusive potholes. Sometimes, when we pass the steering wheel to someone else and take a backseat, to enjoy the passing landscapes, it is a relief and realization; that new perspectives open themselves up to us.

Being a backseat passenger does not mean zero contribution, for we can plot out the route ahead with a clearer mind, over a tunnel vision developed from a fixation of just getting to the destination.

It was a pity though, that it took me so long to realize this, causing unnecessary arguments. I hope that the rest realize this too, so that we can reach the destination together, in harmony.

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me

It feels like nothing is for certain
And that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain
To the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
To believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
To believe in me again

Beckoning

2008-11-25T01:00:00.002+08:00

Two months; school projects, late nights, dinner with friends and in recent memory, a good badminton session with my university mates.

December beckons; a month of birthday and festive celebrations, also a time to ruminate about how the past year went. I think this year, for a change, I should not look back at how my life has been, rather, I should look forward, to the challenging times ahead.

Recession beckons; I graduate into a recessive year, where unemployment figures skyrocket, the future looks bleak, but I must maintain a positive outlook, for a smile among a crowd of dull faces, represents a glimmer of hope.

Graduation beckons; planning for a graduation show is not easy, I never thought it was but it suddenly became so difficult. Fogged by uncertainties, without a guide, I became ambivalent about it all; negativity is starting to overwhelm me.

Seven months; to catch up on the good old times with friends, to be optimistic about the economy and, to get things right and moving.

Time is beckoning.

Wake Up Call

2008-09-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

Been busy with school projects for the past month, glad that I am prepared to hand in one of the five pending ones, after spending an afternoon today printing and binding it. Attended a students conference during the Games Convention Asia last weekend, felt like I was finally slapped awake from a dream that lasted till then.

Imagine, someone slapping you with a straight face, with no intentions at all?

I guess, that no matter how strong a person's passion may last, it can never stand against the reality of our profit-driven mindset. Skills, practically most of the speakers spoke of skills which they said would last in the games industry; passion is nothing. I was utterly broken when I heard that, so my passion to write stories, was in vain all along?

For years, I struggled with my personal ideals and beliefs, that my passion will bring me to where I want to be, now, it has finally extinguished, and I hope that it will be, for good. No more shall I need to think of ambitious plans to create some hit game the world can exclaim about, I shall leave all that, to some other visionaries working out there, to wow me instead.

I am not beaten down by such remarks, and I will never be, I just received a wake up call, telling me to head in another direction in life, that's all. Of course, I will continue to embrace writing and playing games.

Which reminds me, that the wild advertising industry awaits me.

Carpe Diem

2008-08-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

Knowingly, time waits for no man, yet very often, we set ourselves against the flow of time, as if we had control over how fast time would pass when we are at work, or how slow time would pass when we are enjoying ourselves.

Alas, reality is the complete opposite of what we have always wished for.

We are merely treading precariously on the thin line, time weaves along its eternal path, one step ahead, we lose our footing and fall into the abyss, one step behind, we retract into solitude and confine ourselves to our own world. The cruel grasp of time, can easily crush our fragile existence, I saw no point, in resisting a natural force at work.

Instead, we should seize the day; make full use of whatever opportunities that may come our way, for we do not know what the future brings. Living a life full of regrets, only makes us human, as we learn to move on from the regret of our decisions.

Carpe diem, I kept telling myself, as I saw dozens of opportunities slip me by.

Soul do Mato

2008-07-22T00:51:00.001+08:00

Other than their enigmatic band name, which means 'from the woods' or 'of nature' in Portuguese, their original compositions are awesome, especially this one:

My Suspicion

Choices

2008-07-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

We are responsible, for the choices we make.

We can choose to be the passive party during an argument, and hope for a better resolution, or be aggressive about it then aggravate the entire situation. We can choose to satisfy our craving of our favorite food, and ignore the health implications it may bring, or put our health above all else and forgo the temptation.

Those were merely simple choices we make, everyday of our lives.

Recently, the talk among friends, was centered around the dollar sign, maybe it was due to the rising inflation, which led us to discuss about being frugal, and earning big bucks. I realized then, that all the talk about dreams and passion, suddenly dwindled into oblivion, it got to me that inflation, was a real threat, not only to our wallets, but to our minds, as well.

Maybe, I lack the work and social experience, some of my friends already have, their reality check came much earlier than mine, I suppose in the context of a working adult, dreams and passion were secondary, earning enough to stay alive and to satisfy one's needs, was then primary.

I guess, we are all moving on to the adult phase, prematurely, the pursuit of material gains and happiness began in the prime of our lives, where we should instead, be pursuing our dreams and passion.

Of course, we are all entitled to our own rights to make choices in our lives, even though I may have little or no influence in the choice making process, I still hope, that no matter what choices we all may undertake, we will not live to regret it and eventually reap happiness out of it.

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Peering into an Hourglass

2008-06-16T04:09:00.001+08:00

One by one, they endeavor towards their own goals, and I saw the gaping void between us set in once again.

I am most certainly excited about heading back to school, especially after a nine months hiatus, but that would herald the beginning of a test; time. Fleeting beyond our control, it constantly eludes its challengers; to make full use of it, sometimes even go against it, I for one, am most guilty, of letting it seep through my fingers, for such a long span of time.

The scenario I deluded from, presented itself in front of me, once again, putting friendships through the test of time, I could not recall the past casualties and present survivors, or rather, I chose not to.

I told myself, to let go of friends who were swept away by sandstorms, for they will chance upon other casualties and befriend them, I gave them and myself the reciprocal; that the sandstorms will somehow, by the random chance, bring us back together again, then, we will cherish each other more than ever.

But now, I found myself stuck in the flowing sand, obstructing its downward flow, time seemed to pass slower than usual, with the others whisking me by; an odd sight leaving me bemused. I must push myself out of the quicksand, before it devours me completely, to catch up on lost time.

As I put down the hourglass, I realized that I lost myself in the wee hours of the morning.

Letting Go

2008-06-02T19:08:00.003+08:00

I am glad, that the gathering turned out well, despite worrying about the inclement weather, among other things.

That, I realized, may be my last gathering with the mates, or with anyone else; the reality of our situation pits the priorities of everyone against one another. When I commence school next month, I know for sure I will focus on school assignments above all else, since I am cramming three semesters into one year, the others will continue to be busy with their projects and work, so by then, meeting up will almost be impossible.

Maybe, I should learn to let go of my friends, sometimes when we force ourselves to accept their shortcomings and excuses, it becomes too overwhelming and amplifies the flaws already found in that relationship. Not that we did not make the effort to understand each other better; maybe we really did, but now, I find it better to leave things as it is, preserve the wonderful memories we once had, and continue onwards with our individual lives.

I have had enough of being taken for granted, I believe the time is now, for me to depart on a more individualistic journey, where friends who truly make the effort to keep in contact, should be the ones I will want to meet up with and cherish close to my heart.

Indifferent

2008-06-01T00:56:00.002+08:00

Only when we lose someone or something, then we regret and learn how to cherish them, the irony lies in how often we speak of such emotional empathy yet we still take everything around us for granted.

It has been three years since we lost a dear friend to an accident, back then I remembered clearly, how we grieved over his departure and over time, moved on with our lives. Surely, he became an endearing part of our memories, we definitely forged closer and stronger ties with one another, but how long can this lesson on the frailty of life last us?

As an organizer of several gatherings thus far, it became apparent to me that my attempt to bridge the differences in the expectations of everyone, proved to be futile. It finally got to me, that no one will ever be grateful and truly happy in a gathering, because everyone have to compromise to a certain extent. I am ashamed of myself, for realizing this fact so late, causing much unnecessary misery to myself, I know now, that I will only be an invited guest to gatherings.

So, spare me from all the planning and details, thank you.

Finally, after bumping around for nine months, I embrace the life of a student once again, in July. When I received the acceptance package from the school, I was not excited at all, for once I evaluated the reality of the financial crunch ahead, I know my father will offer to pay for my school fees, but I would not want him to bear the cost entirely, to prevent tongues from wagging.

Boyce Avenue

2008-05-30T18:36:00.003+08:00

Chanced upon this band; Boyce Avenue, while surfing YouTube, great renditions of two songs I liked:

Because of You

Bleeding Love

Diurnal

2008-04-10T18:23:00.003+08:00

Earlier today, my navy mate talked to me over Windows Live Messenger; one of those question and answer conversation which did not last too long, he had asked me whether I was contacted by our beloved armed forces and I nonchalantly said to him a no. But now that I think about it, months ago I did receive phone calls whose numbers were not registered on my phone, and I was not bothered to pick up any of them, why?

Prior to that episode, I had a tough time persuading insurance agents to stop wasting their time and effort on me, some persistent ones could not stop pestering me for days. I figured that I should not be the target of businesses whose viral marketing campaign makes my ear bleed and victimized by suffering the wrath of random people through nuisance calls, which ultimately resulted in me leaving unknown callers to hang in the air.

It was not until recently, that I realized that some of those unknown callers were actually close friends who used their company phones to ring me up, I suppose i have sort of gotten over that episode by beginning to pick up those calls, but I am sure to be very rude towards people who will try to sell their services to me again and pranksters; I have since lost my patience and persuasiveness.

Just a while ago, a multimedia friend who took the faculty test with me for admission into the School of Art, Design and Media at Nanyang Technological University, told me that he got into the film making major. While I was happy for him, I did a simple subtraction and there goes one lesser seat to be taken up by the already small polytechnic cohort for the program, I am happy yet sad at the same time, indeed.

It has been raining inconsistently over the past few days, dampening my exercise regime for this week, praying for better weather in time to come, meanwhile, I have been contemplating over a gym membership; weatherproof and a more intensive regime! *rubs stubbled chin*

Nocturne

2008-04-10T02:40:00.002+08:00

Met up with a friend; who used to be part of a three-man clique I called, the secondary school buddies, I guess the third man drifted further away to compete for first class honors, which he thought mattered more over maintaining this friendship, not that we did not ever meet up again, probably just once every few months.

So we walked around Holland Village a bit, surprised to find that the shops I used to patronize years ago while schooling in the vicinity there, survived till today. Not that I am questioning their ability to stay afloat in a shopping center where not much people visit, but seeing them stick around, recreated the imagery of the past and I somehow yearned to return to those days.

The grandma who sat by the pavement, ringing her slightly rusted bell while looking upon the crowd who walked past her, hoping that someone would stop to buy her caramel candy. I did, years ago, as a schoolboy, out of curiosity and probably sympathy, it tasted sweet as it should have been, but the aftertaste was bitter as it should not have been; peddling to sell caramel candy at her age to this very day. I know not her reason, but I could feel the hardship she had to endure over the years, and this aftertaste came back to me when I saw her again yesterday.

Strolled down the ever changing facades of shop houses only to find a full house Starbucks, headed to The Coffee Bean behind and settled down at the only free table, when I went over to the counter to order our drinks, my cinnamon ice blended unconsciously turned into caramel ice blended which I thought, had a direct relationship to my previous encounter with the caramel candy grandma, maybe it was a subconscious reminder for me to better spend my money on a simple caramel candy over an expensive cup of coffee.

My friend's agenda came to light when he flashed out his seemingly (coffee) stained script for his short film. He had previously asked me to read his script but did not want to take chances with my eyesight reading it in the car at night, so I finally got to read it yesterday.

While I shall not reveal the story of his rather high potential entry into international film festivals, as promised by him; after spending eight years writing and preparing for it despite strong objections from his family, I could sense his excitement as he scribbled down my input on his script. I am sincerely happy for you my friend, having found solace in your ambition after overcoming many tribulations.

As he scurried off to watch a movie in town; as he always does, I made my way home by bus, only to find emotions run high, as I passed by my primary school and old home. In recent memory, I met up with my primary school friends, a gathering which had me struggling to decide whether I should attend the next one. As the bus zipped by the once familiar junction, I caught a glimpse of the corner of the estate where my room was, then my mind was flooded with a torrent of memories, which left me on the brink of tears.

Pardon the long post if you have been reading rather short ones previously, I guess future posts will be equally, if not longer, since my inability to design anything has caused me much exasperation, to switch over to musing mode. Besides, after providing much helpful and insightful comments to my friend, then musing so much here over the last two days, I figured words will be the best way to express myself effectively, for the moment.

Let me end this post with a new find, even though the song was composed thirteen years ago, it still has its charm through its simple yet meaningful lyrics:

Nocturne by Secret Garden

Now let the day
Just slip away
So the dark night
May watch over you
Nocturne

Though darkness lay
It will give way
When the dark night
Delivers the day

(norweigian lyrics if you care)

La dagen få
sin hvile nå
og natten vil våke for den,
Nocturne.
Se mørket må
engang forgå
så natten kan føde en dag.

Unmotivated

2008-04-08T19:11:00.006+08:00

I stared at Illustrator for the umpteenth time, to zero productivity, even if there was, it lasted only a few seconds. I tried to inspire myself by looking at some design books but to no avail, the inspiration lasted only that long enough for me to create a point then delete it soon after; I went back to staring at illustrator at the end of it all.

Have I been thinking about a lot of things again?

Recently, news of rising food prices have caused furor in many countries, while I am blessed to be far away from the chaos, I cannot help but snicker about the fact that we brought that fate onto ourselves, who else can we blame but ourselves for destroying what Mother Nature has bestowed upon us? Just days ago, I asked my sister why she left her room light switched on and she gave an invalid reason which I readily dismissed and branded her a murderer; of our planet.

So much for educating people on saving our world, seriously.

Looking at the archived posts, I realized how much of a cynic i have become; from a rather trusting and opinionated person to a distrustful and silent observer from the sidelines, over a short span of four years. somehow, it irks me to read those posts; as if I am reading about a kid who cannot stop ranting and whining about his life, so I bade farewell to this kid, by deleting those posts away, erasing them forever from my memory.

Who knows, maybe another four years down the road, I may be repeating the same act.

Four years versus one year, almost the same amount of school fee, I contemplated again, over which university to attend should both accept me, any person in the right state of mind will definitely choose the latter, notwithstanding the fact that they merely provided their personal choice, without factoring in the school fee. I tried weighing the pros and cons of both, and found myself stuck, since I favored the one with more cons than pros, ironic.

There you have it, proof of me thinking too much through an illogical mental process.

I want to disappear from Singapore for a short while, visiting a new destination by myself; a relief from the strangling thoughts suffocating me. Hopefully by then, I can be back on track to be productive again.

So I switched back to Illustrator, as I always do, staring at it for the last time, recalling traces of random pen points and their tangents on the blank white artboard; another day wasted just like this, I mused to myself.

Thankful

2008-04-07T18:07:00.002+08:00

Invited my multimedia mates over to my place on Saturday for a modest gathering, it was pretty much a joyous occasion, celebrating Rayston getting his singapore citizenship and Zihao's birthday and mine all together!

Dinner was funny seeing how everyone tried their hand; some even their virgin attempt, at wrapping a popiah, of course mom prepared a lot more food which proved too much for us to handle, the girls came much later due to work and personal commitments.

Cranium was passed on for mahjong, so the group broke off for separate activities, among them was Jianfei shuttling between my computer for clan war and my PlayStation 2 for some random multi player games while aifen was strangely obsessed with her sudoku book.

And so everyone lazed around till the wee hours of Sunday, I had my first taste of driving without the supervision of my father by sending my mates home in two batches. En route to Jianfei's home, we encountered a police road block; a first time for both of us, which saw the officer taking down details and asking for my personal information.

When I got home after getting lost for a bit at Woodlands then making a huge roundabout from the expressway, Aifen was still on her sudoku while Zihao and Rayston were more or less knocked out. Feeling some sort of hunger pang, I suggested breakfast at Outram where I was going to drop them at, so we made our way there with Aifen fascinated with the global positioning system and its abilities.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who felt left out or was not taken care of properly while at my place, actually intended to have a group activity like cranium so that at the same time, i can put my new drawing tablet to good use, but I guess things planned don't always get carried out.

Thanks guys for making my day with the company and of course the great presents, looking forward to hitting the beach for some ultimate frisbee with Xiang Jun's finger recovering pretty well! Take care and peace till then people~

The Birthday Song

2008-04-03T13:48:00.006+08:00

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more

Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul you've helped to grow
A little more

A few more pounds, a little more grey
Don't count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Don't ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

Change

2008-03-27T18:56:00.002+08:00

Last time when I was in secondary school, I could run pretty well but score none in pull-ups, now it seems like the complete opposite; run like hell only to get a borderline pass for my Individual Physical Proficiency Test but score well for my pull-ups, I wonder what went wrong to my body over the years, or was it simply my mentality that dragged me down?

The last few weeks was pretty scary, my elbow and shoulder joints emanated cracking sounds when I did my usual pull-up routine, now that I think about it, I actually did fracture both my arms when I was a playful little boy; not simultaneously of course, but it would be funny to see both my arms in plaster cast at the same time, makes everyone wonder what I did to myself, haha. Then again, it happened almost two decades ago, I sure hope it has nothing to do with it since I will be continuing with my training regime.

My favorite subjects back then in lower secondary was the humanities; geography and history, then english became my forte in upper secondary, but one thing was for sure, I hated art with a passion. Now, I am amused by the things I do for a living; the arts and creative industry, ah how much my interests have changed over the years.

Dad used to tell me that my interests cannot keep me alive in a competitive society like Singapore, monetary affairs talk the talk in my family, secondary and mundane issues like personal interests usually find their way around the younger generation through pep talks to encourage people like me, to pursue it.

I am turning 23 next week, though much of my life have been underachieved as compared to the people I have met thus far, I am glad that I have been true to myself in pursuing my own interests, of course with the company and support of my family and close friends.

I cannot say for sure that I am the same person as I was when my friends first met me, especially those from the distant past such as my primary school friends, but I quote:

"Change is the only constant"

The people around me have changed, the environment around me have changed, I have changed; both mentally and physically, whether for the better or worse, you be the judge of my character.

beautiful world

2008-03-22T18:22:00.005+08:00

watched evangelion: 1.0 you are (not) alone, with some of my multimedia mates on wednesday, good movie in my honest opinion for a weekday ticket price, addition of new scenes and redesigned battle scenes, coupled with enhanced sound effects from the cinema speakers, makes for a good rebuild of the evangelion series. eagerly looking forward to the next movie even though the trailer was cut for reasons unknown.

made two wallpapers based on the two main characters of the series; shinji ikari and rei ayanami, you can download them via deviantart here and here. just suddenly thought that the idea of having the wallpapers appear on dual screens seems rather cool; shinji on the left and rei on the right~

drove around the island on easter day to get a few things done; dropped my sister down at her office at the central business district to get her receipt for the häagen-dazs ice cream, proceeded to my cousin's place at redhill to borrow cranium from him, then the last stop of the afternoon spin was at holland village where we collected the ice cream from the outlet there.

later into the night we drove down to changi airport to fetch my parents back from their bangkok trip, they bought crap loads of food and more importantly, mom bought the clock which i took a liking to when i saw it at far east plaza last year!

found my polytechnic graduation yearbook in the middle of a chunk of cd-roms; i totally forgotten about its existence until i salvaged it from the wreck of what has become of used cd-roms, looking at class and spinnovex photos brought back bittersweet memories.

i shall keep it close and dearly to me from now on.

"middle finger!"

2008-03-03T01:20:00.000+08:00

saw tze weng and fu ming last saturday, faculty test went all right, finished it rather early compared to the majority who maximized their time there, had an easy time breezing through the language questions but a tough time with the illustrative questions, hopefully the next letter i get from them would be an interview letter~

finally met up with my multimedia mates this year! we took the chance to celebrate jianfei's birthday, so we went to the taiwanese snack shop we previously patronized after paying respects to andrew last year, chatted a lot of stuff; from our takes on the recent terrorist escape from detention center to religious issues to cockroaches (?) and many others, never had such a good laugh with them since christmas last year.

headed back to ang mo kio hub for a pretty late dinner at nEbO; a place similar to settler's cafe, found a gem among the very limited selection of games. cranium; heard a lot of rave reviews about this game but did not have the chance to play it until now, so we had a pretty rough start trying to figure out everything.

once we settled into the game, we decided to surprise jianfei during his turn where he was drawing with his eyes closed, after much deliberation from me trying to guess what he drew, he opened his eyes to a sleek white psp in front of him!

had such a wonderful time with them; chatting, playing cranium, surprising jianfei, which somehow reminds me, to cherish them very well. life goes on, having settled one of my university application, i am contemplating to switch to a more tangible part-time job outside, while preparing for my other application at singapore institute of management.

short breather

2008-02-21T18:30:00.001+08:00

submitted my portfolio to nanyang technological university yesterday, was expecting a crowd at the admissions office but turned out to be surprisingly quiet, maybe the crowd came in much earlier than me; seeing a huge stack of envelopes all addressed to school of art, design and media.

the whole process of preparing my portfolio was tedious, especially filming myself talking randomly to the camera and writing a rather morbid composition, i will be going down again next saturday to sit for the faculty test, hopefully an interview will follow shortly, if not it will be the rejection letter.

euphoria

2008-02-14T01:53:00.000+08:00

so lunar new year was over just like that, even though it was pretty long compared to past years, somehow this year i felt more in the mood to celebrate the festivities than last year, perhaps it had to do without the dreaded thought of sailing.

managed to try my hands at the nintendo wii during one of the visitations, i must say i am definitely impressed for a family-oriented console i did not see myself getting for a while, dang, now i am stuck between my favorite playstation 3 and a nintendo wii~

just two days ago, i finally passed my driving test and got my license! while i am not too excited about taking my car out for a spin now, at least i can spare dragging myself to the driving center for lessons. oh and i saw one of my ex-colleagues from the navy, and interestingly, the test car i was assigned to bore the pennant number of my ship! man, too much of a coincidence..

realized too late that i played too much during the festivities, now i am making up for lost time to ready my portfolio for submission in less than a week, so not gonna have good rest over the next week, anyways have a blessed lunar new year everyone!

long vacation

2008-01-21T13:47:00.000+08:00

while packing up my room for lunar new year just around the corner, i stumbled upon my long lost japanese drama soundtrack caught up in the mess of my bedside storage compartment, listening to the theme songs stirred good memories of those classic japanese dramas i watched when i was in secondary school, of them was long vacation.

i am pretty sure watching the drama now will evoke different thoughts than near a decade ago, when i was an immature boy still attending school, shall begin my hunt for the drama once i get my university application over and done with. speaking of which, i will also be applying for bachelor of design offered by rmit university at singapore institute of management as a contingency plan should my former application fail me.

given circumstance of applying for two universities, with all the interviews and portfolio presentations, my vacation to europe might be in peril! i will have to wait and see how the dates line up, in the worst case scenario, i will make do with a short trip within the region.

resolutions

2008-01-01T01:56:00.000+08:00

three years ago was the last time i had new year resolutions, two years ago national service destroyed my mood for setting resolutions, one year ago i somehow resolved to get national service over and done with, so this year, after completing it, perhaps a good time to set resolutions again:

imposed on myself:
- exercise at least thrice a week; more would be ideal but unlikely,
- turn into loanshark chen; hunt down people who owes me money big time,
- earn enough for vacation; planned for a long time already,
- get back the urge to design things; lost it two years ago now recovering slowly,
- think lesser about everything; near impossible but trying hard,

dealing with others:
- be nice when appropriate; overly nice made people climb over my head,
- say 'no' in a snap of the fingers; 'yes' screwed me up badly thank you.

i think this list is crazy enough, on the account that three years ago, none of my new year resolutions were fulfilled, i am devastated, really.

happy new year, by the way.

those were the days. part 3

2007-12-26T19:50:00.000+08:00

christmas was pretty much the same as last year, only difference was that everyone stayed up through the night and had fun playing taboo among other activities, maybe a slightly different crowd this time round, with zihao joining the fray while rayston called in sick.

headed to zheng jun's getaway home at punggol a few days ago to spiff up the place with decoration aifen and i bought earlier, not too sure whether to have it again next year with mixed reactions from the crowd, nevertheless, the atmosphere did feel more merry compared to last year.

started the night off with a few rounds of taboo, including two forfeit rounds where the winning team gets to spank the losing team with a weapon we called the hand of god, brought in courtesy of aifen, of course everyone had a fair share of the spanking, heh. canadian pizza came rather late, so after finishing it together with the jelly and salad i brought there, we split up to play mahjong while the rest watched some television program and continued with taboo thereafter.

after wishing everyone a merry christmas, we carried out the traditional gift exchange which spun out quite a few jokes; jianfei in denial after getting zhi chao's predictable gift and zihao's childhood dream finally realized! continued with our mahjong session while the other gang schemed on a surprise attack on us with the aerosol spray we bought originally intended for game forfeit, everyone eventually got together again for overnight taboo.

early in the morning, we cleared up the mess left behind by the spray in the mahjong room, took down the decoration and packed up the room we stayed in through the night, had lots of fun playing taboo, maybe pictionary next year? then again, i am not sure whether we will be having another gathering of sorts when everyone will be busy again.

pictures posted by aifen on facebook!

those were the days. part 2

2007-12-24T16:14:00.000+08:00

had a wonderful cousins' gathering yesterday, enjoyed the company of the cousins and their very cute babies; it was a no-parents affair, so the atmosphere was pretty much young in a sense, heh.

mom prepared an exquisite plate of jelly for the kids to drool over and salad from a new recepie she learnt recently, the cousins also prepared lots of good food to munch over brunch. the kids and the cousins young at heart tried our hands on the xbox 360, turns out feng kai was good with ping pong despite a button-mashing routine throughout the game.

the kids with their aunt and the jellies

christmas logcake brought by shireen

feng kai's youngest sister, jia xuan, brightened up my otherwise dull sunday morning, with her smile while sometimes shying away at my antics.

ah so cute!

the cousins talked about life, work and of course asked me about my university application and when i was going to get a girlfriend, all the regular questions required me to turn on my recorder; play, stop and rewind. was actually hoping to play taboo with them but i guess we were too preoccupied with the kids to do anything else, heh.

those were the days. part 1

2007-12-08T23:57:00.000+08:00

a series of posts dedicated to the people i met and will be meeting in december.

never have i felt more alive meeting friends; catching up with one another and having fun, than staying at home staring at the computer.

today i met up with my basic military training mates through the efforts of feng run, though not all could make it, we made do with just a modest crowd. wei yi will be leaving for the states soon for his working stint at the airbase there for two years, it was really very kind of him to treat us to sakae sushi though we originally wanted to go dutch. we settled down at starbucks for the later part of the day to catch up on old times, recalling the funny things we did during the short three months; like the timeless classic fall wei yi suffered after pulling off a prank on yi hui. and oh thank khim hui for the kind offer to pick up the tab for the drinks!

really enjoyed the company of them today, though the next meeting with them seemed pretty far from now, at least we got together to know that we were doing fine.

from left to right: me, khim hui, wei yi, chee wee and feng run;
sunny the cameraman with khim hui's n95

total strength 6, present strength 6!

celebrations

2007-12-01T17:02:00.000+08:00

headed out early yesterday to grab aifen's birthday cake from n.y.d.c wheelock place down to the mind cafe at prinsep street, while on the very crowded bus down towards the latter, some woman exclaimed at how she already said "excuse me!" to another woman who did not budge while blocking the alighting area, i too was pretty much annoyed, especially carrying a cake, having to squeeze through so many people despite saying "excuse me" on my way out.

played taboo after dinner with my multimedia mates, very exciting game where your friends guess a word you describe without uttering a list of prescribed words within a time limit, after a few rounds of taboo, we brought out the oreo cheesecake and carried out the usual birthday ceremonials, but this time one of the staff came by and told us that the birthday girl gets a free drink for each one of us when she goes around telling people that it was her birthday, so went aifen with xiang jun following her with her camera recording down her trip around the cafe.

the celebration ended with aifen joining her collegues at zouk while the rest of us headed home, though i was expecting to stick around to chat a while longer.

the last month of the year again, the cousins are planning a gathering before christmas while my secondary school mates are having a late christmas party, i guess it's time to plan for more celebration, especially after completing national service!

dashing

2007-11-19T14:48:00.000+08:00

three months left before university application opens again next february, a mad dash for my portfolio presentation and other requirements for admissions into school of art, design and media at nanyang technological university. pretty fed up with illustrator crashing on me every now and then, it was not so bad when i learnt my lesson way back in polytechnic to save frequently lest the software fail me, but it gets very annoying when it crashes just before i save my work, tsk..

went to sentosa with my long-time-no-see secondary school mates yesterday, the weather was scorching hot in the afternoon, so while it was fun tossing volleyballs around in different directions; since both sumathi and i were amateurs, standing on the heated sand was totally not fun at all, as what sumathi called it "fire walking". fortunately one of the guys; total strangers i meant to say, taught us to spread the sand away to stand on cooler sand below, neat trick to use for the next visit to the beach! the second half program of the day was kayaking, it was pretty hard to keep up the momentum but still fun nonetheless, proceeded to vivocity for dinner and celebrated carrie's birthday with a huge chocolate banana cake from secret recipe.

and i now officially announce that i fried my playstation 2, well in a certain way, since this freaky sound emanated from it frequently and caused my games to hang while playing, i figured it would not last any longer, time for an upgrade to next generation? in any case, i have one lesser distraction off my greater scheme of things, heh.

inhibitions

2007-10-24T23:56:00.000+08:00

all right, i am thawing myself to perfection after entering hibernation for the past few weeks; i know it's the wrong time of the year but with all those environmental issues, i guess anything can hibernate at anytime of the year now.

so i finally decided to face the facts and get back to working on getting my driving license, a tough choice over work since my father asserted that a license can greatly benefit me when i work and with all the free time i have on hand now, why not?

true to the core of his defense, i will but reluctantly drag myself to the driving centre to refresh two years worth of lessons, in hopes of getting my license as early and economically friendly as possible to relieve my kind father's sponsor over the entire package.

dug out my sketch book, opened photoshop and illustrator, with a renewed attitude towards them; i shall draw proper ideas and not doodle aimlessly on it and i shall not simply stare at the programs and close it after a few minutes.

yes, it has been an internal struggle to set certain things straight, perhaps this entire period of inactivity was for me to get over my own psychological barriers imposed by myself, i certainly hope that from now on, my life is back on track.

fortis fortuna adiuvat

2007-09-25T16:28:00.000+08:00

: a famous latin proverb translated as "fortune favors the brave"

went down to national library on friday to check out some books, then headed to bras brasah to stock up on some drawing essentials and print out some of my portfolio stuff, before heading down to temasek club for my ship's anniversary.

saw my navy colleague while waiting for the bus, we arrived there rather early. the agenda was pretty much the same as last year, save for the the coxswains' antics during one activity which cracked everyone up, nonetheless, it was great to see everyone again, probably for the last time.

met up with jianfei and yu ming after the anniversary at clarke quay to visit xiang jun who was working at velvet dragon, apparently we missed the free flow of drinks right on the dot when we got in, so we settled down with a jug of beer and chatted while making random observations.

that night was shortlived, with everyone leaving for home at about two in the morning to rest up for their weekend programs, was contemplating to meet up with my navy mates who were partying elsewhere, but decided to head home after yawning repeatedly in the taxi.

had buffet dinner with my secondary school buddies on sunday, both of them were complaining; about university and working lives respectively, i had nothing to complain about since i was neither studying or earning a stable income.

seriously, what am i doing now?

brave all

2007-09-10T19:09:00.000+08:00

080907; this day marked the end of my fulltime national service.

two years of meeting people from all walks of life, getting to know them better, sharing their life experiences with me; most were inspiring stories of independence and their will to survive when the going got tough for them.

it has been a crazy journey, from basic military training centre to the start of my naval service training at the institute of maritime operations and systems, then finally posted to my evergreen unit onboard rss brave.

last friday was the last time i stepped onboard my ship, bidding farewell to everyone we could see, giving my chief a rather expensive but deserving pen for taking good care of me and my counterpart during the one year onboard. it was a pity that we did not attend the change of command ceremony, guess the priority back then was to get our identification card above all else, speaking of which the whole process took longer than expected, with a few hiccups here and there. nevertheless we left base happily with the guard asking for our pass; our identification card was all that we could show~

life as i knew before national service has started to come back; sleeping early in the moring, waking up late in the afternoon, staring at my computer (still) working on my portfolio, surfing around aimlessly on the internet, showering love and concern to my dear gaming console which i neglected so badly over the past two years, contemplating over many things and stuff, ah how bad things can get when i have so much free time.

been advertising my availability as a multimedia freelancer; yes i know, sometimes like a whore, to loads of people, hoping to earn some dough through long periods of unemployment i foresee ahead, while awaiting for my application into university next year.

take care and peace people~

superfluous

2007-08-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

national day; exactly one more month to go.

the countdown frenzy ceased unknowingly, i just could not gather the motivation to count the last thirty days left in the service, these days i could only give a reluctant smile whenever people tell me how many days i have left to my operationally ready date.

while others were delirious and relieved of most of their duties prior to completing national service, i went in the opposite direction instead and requested to sail whenever i could. call me nuts for working so hard as a full time national serviceman, but truth be told, i will miss the shipboard life after i leave, though it was not enjoyable at times but it was memorable at the very least.

been catching up with a few friends of late, realized i have been in too deep with the development of my portfolio that i missed out on so many things going on outside.

i need to get a life.

introspective

2007-08-01T13:14:00.000+08:00

been an insomniac ever since i sailed back from exercise carat with the united states navy last week, managed to lug myself to bed over the past few days through sports exhaustion, at least i was getting some hours of sleep compared to none.

38 days to operational ready date, figured it was about time to start flipping through classified jobs and searching through online job portals, though dozens of job opportunities seemed probable, i was actually looking for freelance or temporary positions, so it pretty much ended up in futility.

plans have changed for me, at the moment.

so i decided to work for a fair bit before committing myself to further studies; yeah you read me right, or settle down working should my application next year not get through. i have been thinking through thoroughly about it, since i forfeited my application this year without even trying, i might have disappointed some; okay a lot of people, who expected me to be studying at this point in time. but, i am still unsure of what i am applying for, so working for the next few months should get me settled on my decision, i hope.

and of course, i might be planning my europe trip ahead in late april or early may next year. got to know from cousin-in-law weixiong that he will be leaving for london this september to pursue his doctorate in physics, dear cousin meixin and her baby girl renée will join him as soon as possible; my navy mate will also be leaving for london to further his studies this october. i guess i will be dropping by london to visit my cousin and her family, then travel around europe with my navy mate whose summer vacation starts in may.

if all goes well for my university application, i will be back just in time for the first term. in any case, certainty was never a word i believed in, things are bound to change under unforeseen circumstances, so what i planned for thus far, may or may not take off.

take care and peace people~

dealing with

2007-07-06T19:53:00.000+08:00

soon, xiang jun will start her university term at singapore institute of management while nick will leave for sydney to further his studies. still, i am undecided over my future.

my coxswain was persuading me over the past few weeks into signing on as a regular serviceman in the navy, though his intentions were pure and simple, he never did realize that the only disadvantage he spoke of was regimentation. of course, everyone was blinded by money at first sight and signed their freedom away; to them, maybe freedom came second after money, but to me, having no freedom is just like a caged bird waiting to die in its confinements.

i politely rejected him on many occasions, knowing obviously that signing on meant doing things against my will and resulting in disastrous results, i am not poor nor rich, i am surviving fine with my current cash reserves and spending habits, he made it sound as if i needed money so badly that signing on can save me out of my financial predicament, if there was any in the first place, i am amused, really.

recently a familiar stranger called me, she was one of the usual insurance agents bent on getting their commission out of their clients, persistent i would say, calling me a month later after telling her i needed time to think about it, it's amazing the things people do to survive in an industry like this, clinging on to a wide network of contacts, only to realize most of them are just fooling around and wasting their time.

of course i admire their passion for approaching clueless people at train stations and ask questions about your saving habits then tell you great stories of their plans to shelter yourself during rainy days, then again i would look at them with great interest with music plugged into my ears, roll my eyes and walk away. frustrating to see people do this? then don't even think of approaching me.

64 days of rejection my coxswain has to hear, rolling eyes those enthusiastic insurance agents have to bear.

that day is nearing.

what i want

2007-06-23T19:12:00.000+08:00

i once told my navy mate that i put myself above others. my philosophy in life; to satisfy my own needs first so that i can satisfy others. i am not selfish in this sense, since not getting what i want would result in others incurring my wrath. i am not self-centered in any sense, anyone would want to pursue what they really desire.

he told me that our parents brought us up to who we are today, point taken. but i will never feel good repaying them knowing that the things i want to do are held back because of a debt i owe them, to each his own, i replied, period.

living a life following the path of where others are going, just like a bunch of sheeps rushed into the confinements of their enclosure in the green pastures. living a life following the will of our parents, just like a lifeless mannequin manipulated by them. living a life doing the things i really want to do, just like a bird flying freely high above.

time waits for no one, cliche but true enough, 22 years and i was once a sheep in a herd, going through the education system like everyone else did, i was once a mannequin as well, obeying what my parents felt was right for me. perhaps back then they were in a better position to judge things for me, but now, i want to be like a bird, flying freely, by myself.

i am not rebelling against anyone i love, i just want to do what i want in life. though i may be at a lost now what i want to do, eventually i will find out, at the cost of time, ticking away endlessly. slowly but surely, i will break free of these shackles, to be an independent and free man, happy with the things i am doing.

未知数

2007-05-31T19:14:00.000+08:00

空荡的五月。

其实五月过得好狼狈，只是累到什么话都不想说。带家人到樟宜海军基地开放日参观我服役的船舰和其她的舰队，晒了好多的太阳，爬了好多的阶梯，买了一些纪念品，大半天就这样过了。这可能是五月唯一的精彩吧?

匆忙的六月。

算一下，航海大概占有半个月的时间，这样也好，时间不知不觉过得好快，唯在海港时间才过得非常地慢。已经半年了，多三个月，还是更准确地算，九十三天，服役完毕!

神秘的七月。

还没发生的事，我不想去瞎猜，顺其自然就好了。

feel

2007-04-04T20:20:00.000+08:00

it was a rather strange day to pass by yesterday; people wishing me happy birthday and asking me about work. had dinner at fish & co. with my family, bought a black forest cake from crystal jade and had a modest celebration back at home; nothing extravagant this year.

realized the need to celebrate was not important as i grew older, instead i was looking forward to the well wishes from family and friends, some whom i expected to hear from did not make it to my inbox or messenger, well i guess i could try to understand the reason behind it, but i was, frankly, a little disappointed.

over the past year, i placed much more emphasis on feelings than materialism, i wanted to feel more emotions rather than getting fixated with a gadget all day long, i guess the lack of empathy sometimes made me look like a fool in situations of comforting someone.

thank you all once again for your messages, love you mom and dad, especially dear sister for the present though i merely blurted it out.

and i miss you grandma.

梦想

2007-03-19T00:35:00.001+08:00

今天从纪伊国屋书店买了刘若英的作品《我想跟你走》，好高兴。跟好久不见的中学朋友谈天，发现各自的生活改变了许多，共同的话题，就是两个字: 梦想。

好苦恼，他为了追求梦想失败了好多次，再失败下去，他也感觉不到失败的痛楚，他说已经麻木了。我还没尝试就害怕失败，这是没有信心的表现还是怕失败后就永远爬不起来? 他听我诉苦，就赏了一句“对生活没有兴趣”，我听了顿时放下餐具，就开始想这一句话对我有多么地危险。我是否到了人生的尽头，觉得生活下去毫无意义? 还是我没有一个固定的人生目标，现在觉得生活好无趣? 我不知道这些答案，他也只能说这些安慰我而已。

*叹气*

梦想，什么时候才能领悟到成功和失败的意义呢?

生日的祝福

2007-03-03T02:21:00.000+08:00

“每年的生日，是我唯一可以，勇敢想你的日子”

看完了电影《生日快乐》，感触好多。改编自刘若英的短篇小说，两个人之间的承诺，在彼此的生日当天给予祝福，守候换来的是存在的意义。

现实生活中，会有人记得身边每个人的生日吗? 现代人天天为了工作而奔波，为了存活而烦恼，往往把生日这种细节忽略了。一年一次的机会，只向往听简单又美妙的四个字，不管是从谁的嘴里说出，听了就知道至少还有人关心，知道要让关心的人也收到祝福。

今年的生日，谁会祝福我?

猪事如意

2007-02-20T23:04:00.000+08:00

今年的农历新年过得较不一样，除夕就和船员们一起度过，大年初一回到家时，亲戚们都到了。团圆饭没有跟家人吃，守岁时只能凝望着荧光屏，除夕过得好，不自在。今年的赌运不怎么好，十赌有九输，虽然跟理工学院的朋友们赢了一些资本回来，到头来还是输，还是适可而止吧。

农历新年似乎缺了以往热闹的气氛，可能表哥表姐们都有了另一半，和他们相处的时间也短了许多，可能亲戚们的关系疏远了，没有再和他们联络了，可能我自己的价值观变了，渐渐失去庆祝传统节日的意义，想这么多，好懊恼。

从今天到九月服完兵役还有多两百天，说快也不怎么快，但还是值得庆幸的，自由已不在地平线上，它将乘着太阳，慢慢升起，照亮我的未来。*打额头* 天啊，想自由想疯了。

航过新年

2007-01-02T15:35:00.000+08:00

07年的到来，第一个祝我新年快乐的是我的船长。真扫兴，新年就这样，在航新加坡海峡途中度过了，虽然在海上往着一朵朵的烟花是个初体验，跟好友们在外倒数更有气氛。

回顾06年，没有什么成就感，一次又一次的挫折快把我给逼疯了，有一段时期情绪真的很低落，唯一开心的是我的21岁生日，好难得亲朋好友们都能够一起和我庆生。读了去年的篇章，发觉自己变得更静，心事也不怎么想说出来，跟朋友出去也少了，反省自己的举动，发现自己变得好没自律，没有定时去运动，没有申请就读大学等等，追逐梦想的推动力似乎散了。

今年要向往九月能够重获自由，到时候，梦想将张出耀眼的翅膀，我会披上它，向终点飞奔。*打额头* 好啦太梦幻了，但是真的，希望自己能够实现梦想，久违了，朋友们。

rainy december

2006-12-26T18:48:00.000+08:00

it really felt like a winter christmas here in tropical singapore yesterday when i met with my polytechnic mates to celebrate the festivities. spent a really enjoyable time at zheng jun's home in punggol playing card games zhi chao took pains to teach us, one of which involved physical contact, to be exact it was mostly the hands though jianfei, xiang jun and i did fall on our backs after a power struggle, haha.

i guess his efforts paid off after seeing everyone laughing to their hearts content at each others demise, oh and the winter part? zheng jun's air conditioner literally froze the entire room, i guess i made it worse by wearing bermudas there despite the prevalent cool weather. had an exchange of present in which i had no reason to believe that the biggest present would deemed to be the most desirable, in any case i got rayston's fm radio torch, pretty cool stuff~

well at least christmas this year was so much better compared to last year, though i sympathize; and will sympathize myself, navy mates who sailed during christmas and me soon to sail on new year eve. my only consolation will be december next year, i will not be anywhere out in the sea suffering horrendous sea sate but celebrating!!

take care and peace people~

unpredictable

2006-12-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

finally back home from the exercise; made a few blunders, learnt a few lessons, suffered a few bruises, nevertheless a good experience and exercise as described by my commanding officer.

attended dear cousin xinli's wedding dinner on thursday, was supposed to be present for the morning tea ceremony but promises were somehow not fulfilled and i had to stay in base. i know if i were to say any further about what happened, i would be charged for deflating the egos of a lot of people, i do realize myself that i am becoming very unpredictable, sometimes i do not understand the rationale behind my actions, sigh..

take care and peace people.

relinquishment

2006-11-07T19:03:00.000+08:00

could not find the ways to describe what i was feeling over the past weeks, maybe i was busy sailing, settling down in the new house, configuring my new computer or playing Final Fantasy XII even? i don't know.

somehow i feel disconnected from reality.

yesterday while in my officer's car home, he told me how he observed me to be a quiet person, i was not surprised at such presumptuous remark. i have indeed been very quiet over the past few weeks, talking only when required or simply for the sake of talking; superficiality.

last week, i had a nightmare.

it just so coincided with the news the next day about terrorists. i dreamt of a few people; no names mentioned, randomly running around the building, somehow searching for something, and there i was, standing in a room looking at them through different monitors. the next thing i knew, a remote control was in my hand, one by one, bombs exploded and they started dying, and i? shot myself in the head. it still haunts me to date, especially how a few of them actually had problems in reality.

i could be searching for the reason why i had that nightmare in reality, the truth may be harsh to bear, but deluding the truth only bring forth far greater sadness. i want to help these people; relinquish your woes unto me, share with me your burden.

家

2006-10-12T15:12:00.000+08:00

今天应该是我最后一天在这个老家了, 明天航海后天回的家, 就是新家了。

家里的东西几乎都装进箱子里去了, 原有的温暖似乎蒸发, 留下一珠一珠的冷水滴, 感觉好空虚, 好寂寞。那些好熟悉的声音, 早晨鸟儿的叫声, 放学巴士的杂声, 傍晚小孩玩耍的乐声, 很快就听不到了。周围的景像好艳丽, 小学从简单的米黄和褐色, 翻新后漆上彩虹般的颜色, 谦虚又宁静的公园增添了游乐场后, 变成大人和小孩的聚集点, 这一切会慢慢演变成另外个景像。

好怀恋和朋友们在荷兰村度过的时间, 在咖啡座有说有笑, 在附近的场地庆祝生日, 圣诞和新年。虽然新家离荷兰村有些远, 但为了回味荷兰村一带的气氛, 我一定会抽空探访这里的。

以前的教训吸取经验, 现在的美好值得留念, 未来的挑战勇敢应战。朋友们请保重, 我往西边而去了!

留念着老家,
22B Holland Grove Road
Singapore 278802

无奈

2006-10-05T15:11:00.000+08:00

第一次航海，几乎没胃口吃任何一顿饭，晕船好几回，但只吐一次，出来的只有胃酸，好恶。下几回应该可以习惯在大泼大浪摇船时，填饱肚子好好把份内的工作做好。所谓苦尽甘来这个成语说的好，两个多月一直航海，虽然辛苦了一点，但换取的是宝贵的经验，以免未来不会犯错。

较早前刚到家，家中大箱小箱满地都是，妈妈忙着把这些箱子填满，爸爸则忙着装修新家，姐姐前几天上任新工作岗位，大家好忙啊。上网时看到几个朋友在线上，要跟他们谈天时，银幕突然化成一片漆黑，等了又等还是一样黑，现在只能靠姐姐的笔记行电脑来写这个篇章，真气人！

*叹气*

在时间上所做出的牺牲，无法和家人共享天伦之乐，无法和朋友聚合聊天叙旧，希望大家能体谅。明天一大早就得准备航海了，服役的无奈，谁能了解？

moving on

2006-09-22T13:14:00.000+08:00

so i graduated from school and will be attached out to base for my on-job training, my status as a trainee continues for another two months before seeing light at the end of the tunnel. speaking of which, one more year of national service to go, but i guess within this year, most of the time will be spent in solitude with the sailing schedule changing every now and then, weekends will be burnt unknowingly.

everyone around the household were busy packing stuff and flipping through material palettes; all in preparation for the move into our new home. forgotten were the fond memories developed over the last two decades or so, remembered were the bad experiences felt over the past few months. i know why dad and mom wanted to move away, i know why i wanted, to stay. i will remember the days where we shared the joy, pain, laughter and tears together, with my family and friends, it was this place that housed my closest memories to heart, afterall.

分离

2006-09-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

昨天得知外婆走了。

好突然的消息, 不知该哭还是该笑。

去了外婆的丧礼, 慢慢想起已离开人世的亲人, 感触好多。

分离是痛苦的, 无论关系亲或陌, 原因好或坏, 时间长或短, 地方远或近。

真希望这世上没有分离的一刻, 残酷的事实把微妙的希望摧毁了。

分离, 快把我给逼疯了。

snap

2006-08-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

what has gotten to me of late?

did i snap at that very instant when people merely offered their kind advice? looking back at how i reacted to certain situations, i realized i could have made it much more better for both me and the other party, by not snapping at it. i guess i couldn't, afterall, past bad experiences have come back haunting me, so everytime when something bad happens between me and someone else, i always have this recurring imagery of something bad that happened between us that prevents me from forgiving that person easily. i do hope it's temporary cause if it continues this way, i am not the forgiving type of person people used to know me as last time.

i hope people can understand that when i am awfully quiet sometimes and don't talk, i am not deliberately alienating that particular person, i am just finding myself, lost over what i just did to incur my own wrath, and possibly the wrath of others. forgiveness; such a strange expression we use to toy around with each other's feelings, it can either break or strengthen a relationship, depending on how you preceive forgiveness. have i forgiven too easily?

did i expect too much from the people around me? what are the roles of my family? my friends? my instructors? the government? are they there just to fill up my life as numbers? did i make friends just for the sake of company? i make a stand in this post, that my friends were never treated as numbers, i don't go around counting how many friends i have and make comparisons with popular people, just how superficial is that going around saying "oh well, i have like one hundred more friends than you"? in any case, being my friend, means i treat you with utmost respect and having said that, i expect no reciprocation of any help i render, but i insist that respect be reciprocated. what kind of relationship, let alone friendship, is without respect? sometimes, i do find myself expecting too much out of people when i cannot even fulfil a simple request of theirs, i just cannot reason with why i behave like this, was it innate or molded through experiences?

okay i think i rambled enough random stuff, gotten quite a fair bit of my chest, which is pretty rare i must say, will be back for a proper update soon, since like national day?

escaping through music

2006-07-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

i think i am going deaf soon, why?

whenever i am depressed, which somehow occurs pretty frequently nowadays, i'll escape to my PSP and blast music, muffling away strangling thoughts and external noises i deem distracting. somehow solace can be found in the deafening music, especially songs with lyrics i feel i could relate to, or simply rock music to just drown in all the metal thrashing. very unhealthy to listen to loud music over a prolonged period, but i guess it'll be temporary, hopefully i can sort out my messed up life and get a move on, big time.

run away

2006-07-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

all right, quite a few things to address in this post, call it a proper update if you might?

to begin with, let me apologize for causing unnecessary worry for those who read my previous, exalted and confusing post. i was just musing about what i experienced over the last few weeks, nothing more than that, if it sounded melancholic, well to a certain extent, yes i was feeling a little depressed back then, but it's all good now, so don't worry~

an update on my navy life thus far, i am still halfway through with my training, will be posted out onboard ship come september. for the past few weekends, been attending national day parade rehearsals, this will be the last parade held at the national stadium, after that it will make way for a new sports hub, guess it adds on to the significance of participating in it.

last week mom suddenly asked about my plans for further studies, i could not give a reasonable response to her. up till today, near to a year of national service, i still am contemplating about further studies, it's quite sickening to think about it sometimes, with the time and money issue coming into the big picture. guess when i told my navy mates that i wanted to have fun first thing after national service, i was just running away from reality.

so many things to foresee and execute now to ensure a better future, i am tired of planning for the future, i just want to live my life and take one step at a time. take care and peace people~

狂文三部曲

2006-06-05T18:06:00.000+08:00

~敷衍篇~

可能我的朋友说中了, 我无法承受压力。好多事, 当他们最需要我的时候, 我办不好, 搞砸了, 我放弃, 失败了。心里一直受到良心的谴责, 好辛苦。小时候, 当我做错事时, 都会跑到婆婆后面, 希望她能保护我。回到现实, 婆婆不在了, 也许我太依靠别人了, 现在的我, 心灵受到的创伤特别的痛。我似乎失去了信心, 无法答应别人的要求, 好害怕会令他们失望。

最终, 人们只能敷衍我, 让我好受一点。我无法排除每一天, 每一分, 每一秒, 会有人敷衍我的可能性。我每一天过着担心被敷衍的日子, 好像人们对我的感觉是假的, 好像人们的每一句话带有怀疑, 好像我是个弱者, 无法接受这个世界的现实与残酷。

我做人真是个失败。

~犹豫篇~

好想知道别人心里在想些什么, 达到他们的要求与希望, 有些时候, 蛮难的。人的本性就有犹豫的那一面, 想要却说不出口, 得不到时, 就后悔当初为什么没说出来。说出来前, 就有矛盾的那一刻, 心里想着这些话会不会伤到对方, 或者造成互相误会的格局, 大多数时, 人会退缩, 因为害怕失去别人的信任与信念。

很后悔以前没把握机会向该人说出心里话, 人都不在了, 心里更惭愧。犹豫浪费了宝贵的时间, 可能就在那一刹那, 因为犹豫了, 就永远失去表达自己的机会了。犹豫后的后悔无时无刻从过去追到现在的我, 好多时候就是因为这样, 才表现出忧郁的一面。

我好恨我自己。

~刺猬篇~

我很好奇, 为何自己的情绪起的快, 落的也快, 导致人们误会我, 最荒谬的是人格分裂, 可笑。我和别人沟通的方式, 就像刺猬一样, 要表达自己时, 就无意间刺伤到对方, 当他们伸出血淋淋的手帮我时, 我就会感到十分惭愧, 从此封闭我消极的心。刺猬受到多次的背叛后, 失去对别人的信任, 为了保护自己, 就更会刺伤人了。

用刺猬来结尾, 把前两篇的涵意联合在一起。刺猬矛盾百出, 就像我一样, 言行一致表现出矛盾的一面。这就是我, 在不段地寻找着身份与定义, 有一天, 我会走出阴影, 对大家能够坦白, 对自己能够放得开以失去的。

我是新达, 不是消沉的刺猬。

飞机场的 10:30

2006-05-26T20:45:00.001+08:00

突然好想听陶哲的这首歌~

10:30 的飞机快要到了

机场还是那么的拥挤

我喝来喝去可乐还是要剩一点

剩一点给你 OH YEAH FOR MY BABY

一年前的我们过得那么快乐

充满笑与泪的时光 BABY

我以为走下去是一种默契

你却说你需要离开

需要一些空间呼吸

MAYBE BABY BABY BABY BABY OH BABY

是不是拥有以后就会开始要失去

我给你的越多

你却越想要躲

爱也无法回答所有的问题 BABY

10:30 的飞机已经到了

可是你的影子没出现

我想你可能在等待你的行李

和你的红色和白色的披衣

01:30 的我在回家路上

旅客名单没你的名字

我想你已经做了最后决定

OH 我以失去你

BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY OH BABY

是不是爱给的不够

所以你要怀疑

你还要在想吗

你要不要回家

人总是傻到失去才想珍惜

happy birthday to me

2006-04-16T20:21:00.000+08:00

**NOTE**
not a complete post, more contents will be added progressively
**NOTE**

celebrated my coming into adulthood last saturday with a plesant birthday bash planned by my dearest family, was expecting something small and modest but it turned out otherwise; it was way too big and extravagant. nonetheless, i want to thank my parents for the great amount of effort they put in decorating the house, mom especially for cooking the yummy side dishes.

my basic military training mates were the earliest to arrive, since they had to rush to pasir ris for another round of celebration, they got me a billabong bag with a little surprise inside, well actually it was more of an open secret when they told me it was related to something edible, nice try anyways lol~

my basic military training mates.
from left to right: wei yi, khim hui, sunny, chee wee, kam loong and yihui

next came my cousins and relatives, wasn't expecting that many kids to come, guess they add on to the celebratory atmosphere and noise. here's a breakdown of what they bought~

from my sister, seok beng and family

from meilun, xinquan and xinli

from meixin, xinzheng and meiying

from left to right: meiying and renhui on the extreme right, xinzheng and shireen, meixin and weixiong

as for the rest, i would say they have been safely deposited into the bank for better use in the future.

me and my happy family~

my paternal side relatives, too many to name.

received a message from jianfei a day before that he wouldn't be coming due to his grandma's birthday celebration, what a coincidence but oh well, family's more important than friends. in any case, my poly mates bought me a puma watch, really cool design and nice color~

from left to right: yuming, xiang jun, zheng jun, zihao and rayston

my secondary school buddies arrived with a toys'r'us wrapped present in their hands, was quite apprehensive of what's inside, but to my surprise, it's a racers series ferrari lego model!! actually i had my eyes set on a much bigger model on a 1:10 scale back then but the cost was very much less than desired, it's still nice to have it, even on a 1:17 scale. hehe~

last but not least, my navy mates. they arrived the cake cutting session but was plesantly surprised to see my buddy along with them, since he said that distance was a little too far him.

even though i have said many thanks to you all back then, i still want to say it again; thank you, thank you all for the great time we had, the wonderful presents and surprises, my life wouldn't be complete without my family and friends, thank you all for being part of my life and continuing to be. take care and peace people~

really

2006-03-25T16:20:00.000+08:00

strange enough, i'm now still wide awake even after suffering from a serious lack of sleep, largely due to the most unfortunate arrangement; duty on a much deserved long weekend break.

i don't give a damn about weekends, really. i don't even deserve it in the first place, since i've failed my swimming test yet again, and again, and again. it's like climbing a flight of really steep stairs and you come crashing down from it, ending up bruised and all. matters get worse when you have friends who have accomplished this great feat and they encourage you to get there quickly, before you die from all the injuries.

i don't give a fuck about the injuries, really. the worst part of this scenario is; disappointment. i've let down my friends who believed that i could accomplish this task, but yet again, and again, and again, i've let them down. i do appreciate their encouragement, but their words, it's all becoming oblivious to me. at this point in time, it only surmonts to the mental pain i'm suffering inside.

it's depressing, really.

renewed

2006-02-26T20:21:00.000+08:00

i guess i've been hesitant of what i'm thinking and actually typing, probably thinking about too many things at once? indeed, many things are bothering me right now, be it from my family, friends or myself, but i believe i'm being self-centered, by indulging myself in self-pity, not caring about the people around me, what a great melancholic hypocrite i've become..

i just cannot bring myself to talk openly about how i'm feeling right now, what's bothering me and all, it's like an emotional turmoil stirring up inside me, leaving behind a trail of destruction, craved deep into my brain. i want people to know how i feel, yet when the opportunity came, i tossed it out of the window, just what the hell is wrong with me?

i realized how good life was, for me, and that how i didn't cherish the good things in life before, it's making me so sick that i wish i could stab myself hard in the chest, and let the blood flow down, into the sea of sorrows. drain me of the bad blood that fills me, for i do not want to continue leading a life, too good for a bad person i'm perpetually becoming.

i sowed the seeds of destruction at the back of my head, now it's maturing and taking root, reaping the eventuality of, retribution. i do not fear retribution on myself, only that should it affect the people i love and care for around me, i do not want them to suffer for something i've committed, that's just too unfair.

i yearn for a release from this state that's plaguing me right now, regaining my sobriety and integrity. death is not an option now; i do not want to disappoint people who had high hopes on me before, i want to gain their trust in me again, as someone with renewed blood, living on borrowed time..

tick..

tick..

tick..

time is running short.

新年快乐

2006-01-29T17:28:00.000+08:00

从圣诞节到农历新年, 有一个多月了吧, 真抱歉这些日子以来没有更新这个空间。

昨天是新加坡海军训练基地"武士号"的开幕典礼, 筹备工作忙上了一整天, 其他人都会家庆新年了, 而我们傍晚时还得去守着基地, 真是衰啊, 但能埋怨谁呢? 谁叫我们是等级最小的, 每次散工一定有我们的份, 唉。。

这一次的农历新年过的比较冷淡一点吧, 可能婆婆不在了, 家人之间的凝聚力有所变弱, 也有可能我在服役, 过佳节没有什么心情, 就像不久前的跨年庆。真是扫兴, 下个礼拜训练课程开始了, 游泳无法达到合格水平 (包括我在内, 啊!!) 就得一大清早六点钟去泡冷澡, 可悲啊。。

去年所定下的决心, 想一想没有什么努力争取到, 所以今年我决定打消这个念头, 免得期望越高, 失望更大。新年嘛, 就祝大家步步高升, 如愿以偿!

christmas in blue

2005-12-28T17:51:00.000+08:00

met up with my secondary school friends on christmas eve; prepared a modest meal served near midnight, so i wouldn't really call it dinner, supper perhaps? anyways, it was good to hear that most of us were doing well; the guys serving the nation save for those who have finished already, the gals working and stuff. the gals proposed charade as entertainment for the night, so we pantomimed our way around guessing chinese idioms, the gathering ended near 5.

christmas day, woke up in the afternoon with a slight headache, met up with my polytechnic mates nevertheless. snacked a little at colors by the bay at the esplanade before heading down to hard rock cafe for dinner with my secondary school buddies, was feeling bloated all thanks to the generous serving of dessert, but a little sweet craving won't kill for the festive season eh?

meanwhile, my online persona was having a little christmas cheer on his own~

will be having an extended break till next monday since my unit decided to clear our block leave before it goes wasted. speaking of which, life at my new unit has been less than exciting, from now till the start of my junior rating course in february, i'll be swimming everyday, that doesn't sound exciting to me in any sense.

quite a fair bit of happenings around the household, to begin with, my aunt's malaysian husband passed away last week due to cardiac arrest and a follow-up accident, regretfully couldn't attend his wake due to my new unit stay in. dad was diagnosed with pneunomia last week, glad that he has somewhat recovered from it, mom will be having an operation tomorrow, i guess it's hard to understand what's going through her mind now, all i can do is to hope for the best.

take care and peace people~

none the less alive

2005-11-13T19:11:00.000+08:00

haven't updated this space for a month and so, realized i wasn't in the right mood and attitude whenever i booked out from training; national service kinda short circuited my temper and screwed my memory upside down, inside out.

oh well, as i've mentioned above, i'm just gonna stop at here and get ready to book in later, will have a proper update soon, i guess. till then take care and peace people~

seeking

2005-10-09T16:47:00.000+08:00

i must be crazy, to actually regard someone i barely knew with you; gone in physicality, but always present in our hearts. why has it become this way? have i become too obssessive over the project? or am i just too lonely deep down?

physical training phase passed just like this, in a month; basic military training started just like this, yesterday. has time slipped away from our hands just like this, as the saying goes? or did we take time for granted?

can solace be found in the answers i seek? perhaps, i'm just questioning my own integrity at the end of the day. so much to do, so little time to fulfil, that's what you get for short weekends, swear and snack lesser, take care and peace people~

realization

2005-10-02T02:21:00.000+08:00

the night sky looks different indeed.

on certain occasions the sky looked clear and the stars felt within reach of my hands, other occasions the sky looked nasty and the stars would hide away behind the clouds.

many a times, planes would fly by low, preparing to land in singapore, the freedom to soar through the skies brought about by the wings, makes me want to fly away from this island.

was it deja vu i experienced back then, or was it just me? some of my platoon mates resembled people i knew from before, be it their names, physical appearances or personalities.

pardon me for such metaphorical expressions, detoxification from vulgarities is pretty much needed at this point of time, for i have sworn far too much over the last 3 weeks. shall not talk about military life since blogging about racial issues and even your teachers can get you into hot soup, swear lesser (self-imposed), take care and peace people~

遗失的美好

2005-09-08T17:55:00.000+08:00

第一次用华语来写这整个篇章, 感觉怪怪的, 但心想这样的写法会比较更好的表达我的心声吧。。

明天即将入伍了, 家人与友人都会少见了, 我们所相处的时间, 说长不长, 短也不短, 我好怀念以前美好的时光; 我们一夥儿一起熬夜, 把作业给赶完, 一夥儿一起出国游玩, 玩了不亦乐乎。这是你们; 我亲爱的朋友, 所给予我的心灵依靠。我曾未我们的友谊担心过, 我知道十年下来, 我们还是能维持这段美好的关系。。

志伟, 虽然你已不在我们的身边, 但你时时刻刻都浮现在我脑海里, 这可是我在寻找着, 遗失的美好。

爸爸, 妈妈, 姐姐, 表哥表姐们, 感谢你们最近所给予我的鼓励与安慰, 你们的好意有时让我的眼眶不仅变湿了, 看到有多尴尬啊。老爸, 我以后会较少在家里, 所有的业务就拜托姐来帮你打理了, 周末可别打我的主义, 这可是用来补充我的精力和友人聚一聚的唯一机会。老妈, 玩麻将的机会也少了, 但我不会忽略妳的, 请放心吧。姐, 妳可要好好的照顾家里的一切!!

婆婆, 妳也离开了人世, 我每晚也夜夜所思着妳的遗容, 为什么呢? 因为我也在寻找着, 遗失的美好。

两个星期很快就过了, 但痛苦的不是等待, 而是不断地寻找着。。

遗失的美好。

bewilderment

2005-09-03T01:19:00.000+08:00

the feeling was surreal; a bewildered individual alone in a dark room musing about how life would change in exactly 7 days time.

the night sky looked different today; overcast with a different color tone, it felt as if it was the dawn of a new day, but it was only 1140.

i wonder how the night sky would look like over there; clear, probably filled with stars shining brightly, something i would never see here.

i'm so accustomed to the darkness in the room now; it made me feel at ease for once. as of now, i'm nothing short of a person with no emotions.

bored part 2

2005-08-23T01:30:00.001+08:00

ENFJ- The Teacher
You scored 81% I to E, 26% N to S, 33% F to T, and 31% J to P!

Your type is known as the teacher, or the educating mentor. You also belong to the larger group, called idealists. You tend to bring out the best in other people. You lead without seeming to do so. People are naturally drawn to you. You expect the very best from people which takes the form of enthusiastic encouragement which is so charming that people try their best not to disappoint you. You share your personality type with 3% of the population.
You need to feel a deep and meaningful connection to your romantic partners, and go to great lengths to understand and please your mate. Harmony is vitally important to you, and you often put others' needs before your own. You have a pretty thin skin and are easily hurt. Although you strive for harmony, when your values or ethics are violated, you can be very emotional, confrontational, and even punishing. However, you are very insightful about the underlying cause of conflicts, and an excellent communicator, so you have the tools to bring about a quick and peaceful resolution as long as you can keep control of your facilities. You want to be appreciated for your thoughtfulness and compassion. You need your partner to make a real effort to get to know you. Above all, you need to be able to express your feelings and have them taken seriously.
Your group summary: idealists (NF)
Your type summary: ENFJ

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 88% on I to E

You scored higher than 22% on N to S

You scored higher than 29% on F to T

You scored higher than 19% on J to P

Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating

i wish..

2005-08-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

it was just a nightmare, something which would never materialize into reality, but what foolish thinking on my part it was, i've hurled my one and only chance into the abyss, something which i can never recover ever again; another chance at it again..

yes, i've failed my driving test and for the record, i've accumulated 36 demerit points, more than enough for those qualified drivers and confident learners to mock at. i'm not ashamed to have such a result to be frank, instead i was ready to accept it; from the very moment of knocking down the strike pole for my parallel parking, i knew that getting another 10 points to failure won't be that hard, since my morale was crashing down fast.

it would take another 2 months for the next available test date, by then i would be elsewhere slogging my guts out for the nation, i seriously wonder how can i take the test again under such circumstances. the taste of failure is so freaking bitter this time round, but my parents want me to have another go at it, how sadistic and inconsiderate of them not to understand what i'm going through, the sadness..

oh well, it's over anyways, i've stopped all the sighing, lest my mom would threaten me again with super fast aging as consequence, time to get a move on with other things, take care and peace people~

utopian dreams

2005-08-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

a month to enlistment; what have i accomplished thus far since graduation?

well, my driving test is next week and i'm none the less excited about it, my confidence was greatly shaken when my driving instructor told me to "book more lessons if possible", which underlying meaning was that my chances of passing was quite slim..

bah enough of my driving, will update next week after my test, hopefully it's something positive. anyways, i had a chat with rayston yesterday about our game, it's been like ages since anyone at least mentioned it once, glad that the passion is still burning for some of us..

i hope to achieve something before enlistment, if it's anything, i want it to be our game. it was a promise to a friend, myself and the rest of the team, please respond to the thread posted at the forum, our utopian dreams either continue or end here..

oh happy belated birthday singapore!! take care and peace people~

graduation

2005-07-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

another chapter of my life has concluded; i've graduated. the friendships forged throughout the 3 years, the lost of a close friend and tears shed, it made me cherish you guys more, i'm happy yet sad at the same time, such contradiction but it's true.

who isn't happy that they have endured sleepless nights, scoring well for their modules, the kind of satisfaction you get after completing projects, for me, i'm just happy that my journey has been nothing but a fulfilling and enjoyable one~

we'll all be going our seperate ways to pursue our own dreams, for the gals they'll move on to work or further their studies, for the guys it would be national service for 2 years. finding time to get together would be a mean feat, a sad truth we must accept..

anyways, we'll meet up no matter what, seperation tests the friendship, commitment keeps it alive, that's what i believe in at least. all the best to my fellow multimedia graduates, may we all have a smooth sailing career ahead!! take care and peace people~

live and let live

2005-07-18T19:13:00.000+08:00

so much for my utterly unproductive current lifestyle, i must commend myself for the success of mufushu making the second job advancement as an ice/lightning wizard once again!! i've been so preoccupied with it for the past week, felt like i was isolating myself from the real world, yikes~

caught War of the Worlds and Fantastic 4 over the weekend with my secondary school buddies, spiffy special effects, somewhat shallow storylines and yeah, that's about it. my weekend wasn't so good, all i can say is; live and let live.

ah will be flying off to hong kong this wednesday for a much needed family vacation before my enlistment, will be back on saturday, take care and peace people~

yawn but..

2005-07-09T04:43:00.000+08:00

"when was the last time you did something for the first time?" pardon the cliche but doesn't this sound awfully familiar? yes, it's the Emirates advertising campaign for those of you who don't recall, and why am i asking this question now, like 2 hours before the sun rises?

during this unearthly hour when i'm supposed to be soundly asleep, i'm just back from 2 things i've done for the first time in my life: watch sin city and walk back home from orchard. so what's the deal?

Sin City, according to local film ratings, is meant for a more mature group of audience due to it's gruesome scenes; well comic violence rather, as said from my friend who owns the comic itself, which i totally agree. so yeah, i watched a movie that i was not meant to watch, pretty cool experience i must say~

the movie ended way past midnight into the wee hours since it was a sneak, so we ended up walking back from town to home, after a silly suggestion from me that is. we gave up the comfort of a taxi ride for what seemed like an hour long walk, never in my life have i walked such a distance; i figured at least 5 to 6 kilometers. and like on the way back, my friend spotted a bunch of cute little kittens, they were the size of your palms held together and staring at you with those big eyes, who could have resisted not cuddling them? too bad we scared them away with our awful meows, lol~

so yeah, there you have it, the deal with doing things for the first time in 1 night, gonna go crash my bed now, it's almost 5 now, take care and peace people~

a new beginning

2005-07-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

a new month marks a new beginning~

made 2 pairs of spectacles for my national service use, i looked like some cartoon character so says my sister after she saw me don them, but i personally felt quite idiotic with the thick black frame, ugh..

ah back to playing MapleStory after a long hiatus from the open beta testing period, many more features are available, especially the launch of ossyria, a new place to explore!! and yes, i'm back to using my old online persona, mufushu, as expected i shall resume as a magician~

bought a few role-playing games for my beloved console, hopefully it'll last me through before enlistment in september; most notably of all would be Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga by Atlus, the fourth incarnation of the series~

met up with my dear cousins for a gathering last friday at Settlers Cafe in holland village, xinzheng bought me a cool black swiss army knife for use during my national service, it's really nice of him but i guess i'll have to leave it for other purposes since it's kinda dangerous to have such a thing lying around in camp. anyways, we had a very fun and enjoyable night there playing games, the food was very much less than desirable, so i would go there just for the games and drinks next time..

bought a new printer after the old, and i mean really old, one cranked up on us beyond repair. it's a Canon Pixma series bubble jet printer, not too bad a choice i would say, afterall i was awed by their television commercials~

dad's been busy clearing up granny's room to make way for my sister's new room in the near future, everyone's scurrying for the furniture catalogue from ikea, which i thought would be the last thing my dad would do since he wasn't really a believer of ikea-stuff-will-last sort of thing.

after reading blogs and talking to friends who are currently serving the nation, i'm kinda more inspired to train up my stamina and adjust my daily routines, big time. every waking hour i have will be spent on playing games, if not watching television programmes, ah i feel so weak man!! so from today onwards, i shall depart on a strict training regime to get back on track, one less hour spent on gaming wouldn't kill, i hope. lol~

i still miss you granny, take care and peace people~

life goes on

2005-06-24T18:04:00.000+08:00

as promised in the previous post, here are some interesting happenings worth mentioning, well some were pretty dramatic as told by my cousins while others were quite freaky, so here goes~

******************************************************************************

the chanting odyssey

ocurred on the night when my grandma passed away, according to the buddhist nun who was here with us throughout, we must chant for 8 hours straight to more or less ensure that she reaches the promised land in the teachings of the religion. okay so everyone took turns to chant but it wasn't until like almost 2am before the odyssey began, lol~

my aunt was the most devoted buddhist i've ever seen around, but no matter how devoted you are, the human limitations take its toll over you and there you have it, bedtime!! it so happens that when i joined my cousin xinli, she was getting ready to take a break, that was the last straw for him as he laughed uncontrollably, well with his hands covering his mouth, so i initially thought that he was yawning, but it wasn't until later when we took a break in the kitchen then he told me:

"this is crazy man, just now we were like the last 2 souls in the universe trying to chant for the next 2 hours whereas everyone else are knocked out already!!"

anyways, the next day i went for my driving lesson as usual and my sister, together with other cousins, xinli and meiying, went to fetch me thereafter and we had lunch at IMM. halfway through, we were in for a gud laugh when xinli told us of yet another interesting thing he did. turns out he smacked a housefly he believed to be my granny and went to bury it in the grass patch downstairs my place!! everyone burst out laughing uncontrollably, well especially my sister and we had stares from unsuspecting diners around us. he also mentioned about the odyssey and gathered giggles from the 3 of us, lol~

went shopping for tidbits to spend for the nights guarding the coffin, later we went to shop for some miscellaneous stuff where xinli was looking for a zip-lock bag for his perth vacation, he initially chose a blue one, i asked him who he was buying it for, girlfriend was his answer, so i told him:

"hey, since it's for your girlfriend, uh why not get the pink one?"

when he took out the pink one, i saw the green one and..

"ooo, the green one looks even better than the previous 2!!"

right, so he finally decided to go with the green one, but i was worried that my opinions would have affected what he really wanted to buy, so later he told us:

"i chose the blue one at first cos' i liked it, then you told me that since it's for my girlfriend, and ya know she's a girl and stuff, pink's gud. i finally decided on the green one cos' the color's nice and she's a environmental friendly person, so green's the best~"

the myth about moths

everyone should have heard of the dead returning as moths to visit the family? apparently, the passing away of my grandma coincides with the mating season of moths, according to shireen, xinzheng's wife, as reported in the papers, so it's pretty normal to see moths flying around more than often. but, on the first day of the funeral, when my sister was about to bathe, she saw this monstrously gigantic moth in the bathroom, my mom said that was my grandma coming back to visit us. the next day, mom saw a very colorful butterfly hanging around the tentage, same theory. 2 days back, i saw this huge and bleach white moth flying around me, same theory from my mom. believe it or not? you determine it yourself~

******************************************************************************

and yes, life goes on..

caught the sneak preview of Batman Begins with my sister last tuesday, tastefully dark and the intricate story weaving of how bruce wayne came to be the caped crusader makes it better, i say it's one of the better movies shown in a while~

just returned from passing my final theory test, well computerized test to be exact, pretty cool stuff since you get your result on the spot without the hassle of waiting for 2 weeks previously, now what's left is to book for my practical test date; the last step to my driving licence, mwahahaha~

i'm in the midst of changing the entire interface, bear with me till then yeah? take care and peace people~

goodbye grandma

2005-06-14T17:12:00.000+08:00

the past week has been long, sad yet enjoyable to a certain extent, it was an occasion where the young, old and distant relatives could gather, to send you off to another world unknown to mere mortals, i believe we all have done our part humanly possible.

memories of you were brought up during the sleepless nights we had guarding the coffin you laid in, i wouldn't have known of the bakery downstairs where you bought chicken pies for xinquan during his primary school days at henry park, which i too remember of how you would ferry me from school back to home during rainy days, how you would bring me out to take trains around the island and bought whatever i desired.

everything about the funeral can only be described in one word; splendrous. we had the grand chanting procession done in accordance to your last wish, the children were kept busy at the nearby playground, new friendships were forged, current bonds were strengthened, you brought everyone close together, even though you may have left.

on the fifth day, we marched out of home grounds for the crematorium, it became too emotional for some of us, especially me; an outburst of tears trickled down, it could no longer be held back, we all knew this was the last time we would be able to see you.

i'll post some interesting stuff which happened during the funeral next time, till then take care and peace people, and..

goodbye grandma
lim choo, departed 7th June 2005

incomplete

2005-06-02T02:17:00.000+08:00

first of all, an update on my granny's condition, apparently after chanting for a week or so, she seems to be making steady recovery from all that haemorrhage, call it a miracle if you must cos' she was badly dehydrated and with so much blood lost, makes everyone wonder how someone at such an age would survive. but really, who knows what can happen within days to come?

went ice skating yesterday as usual, but this time with some of my multimedia mates, the whole place was crowded with school kids on their month long holiday starting this week, so everyone was quite prone to knock someone down or be knocked down themselves, lol~

later into the day, 8gg met up to celebrate rayston's birthday; not a complete outfit since derek couldn't make it and well, andrew has left us so yeah, incomplete. nevertheless, we had a gud gathering didn't we? dinner at crystal jade was yummy except for the long wait, coffee and fairy cards at t.c.c was fun especially with the comfy couches and well, freakin' cold air conditioning.

speaking of the fairy cards, i'm actually quite amazed at the way it brings new perspectives to issues that you're troubled with, in fact i think i found some answers which i thought it would be appropriate to voice out when the time is right..

anyways, happy birthday rayston, glad that you enjoyed the cake as much as we did, take care and peace people~

retarded

2005-05-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

every wednesday without fail i'll go ice skating with my secondary school buddies, i believe it has become a religion for us to visit the ring once weekly. anyways, something interesting happened yesterday; this guy accidentally knocked into me and i slipped off the ice and landed right smack on my tailbone, well my hands absorbed the impact too cos' they were badly bruised when i took off my gloves to check on them.

never mind that, i went for a few more rounds while my buddy was attempting some stunt, he caused this guy to slip and fall the same way i did, the twist? that guy was the friend of the guy who knocked into me earlier, talk about a vicious cycle starting, hehe..

at the end of the day, i was awarded with coccydynia, bruised hands and a blister at the back of my left leg, much attributed to the fast speed i was gliding to, with tight boots that is. previously i asked for bigger boots for comfort of my feet but that is so wrong, loose boots makes it harder to balance, let alone glide, so yeah tight boots are the way to go.

much earlier today i caught Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith with my secondary school buddies, we actually bought the advance tickets for the earliest show cos' the rest were all snapped up by much more enthusiastic fans of the series.

the movie was great and all but was spoiled by a retarded bunch of brats, don't get me wrong, i don't simply call anyone retarded, unless their actions imply so. in their case, switching on the radio, running through the list of ringtones on their phone and flashing lights during the course of the movie was simply, retarded and may i add inconsiderate, rude and lame.

so the cinema wasn't even half-filled, what gives them the authority to do all these retarded acts when there were other people trying to watch the movie? ah watching an early show isn't really a gud idea afterall, of all people you meet retarded ones and when it's all over, you're damn sleepy. yeah i'm gonna go rest up, take care and peace people~

superficiality

2005-05-13T03:53:00.000+08:00

finally rest assured that my diploma was for the taking when i saw my results online earlier last week, was quite shocked to see that i was awarded an A for my internship, since i wasn't quite deserving of it but who would resist such a grade right? besides, it was the only A i received throughout my polytechnic years, not counting my co-curricular activites which i was awarded an A as well, at least i graduated with quite satisfying grades~

the past few days have been an emotional rollercoaster ride, mixed feelings towards issues and people are driving me up the wall, the way i respond to them makes me wonder if there was any sanity in me. i'm sick and tired of hearing excuses that simply gets worse each time, isn't there room to be frank with one another?

behind these hazel eyes by kelly clarkson was like repeating while i typed this post, so i ought to be nice and share the lyrics, oh yeah i dig rock chicks lol~

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

oh i've not indicated my attendance for the graduation ceremony, probably procrastinating but we'll see how things go then, take care and peace people~

frustrated

2005-05-05T02:21:00.000+08:00

okay it's been quite a while since i updated, so what have i been up to of late? it's either playing badminton or ice skating with my secondary school buddies or multimedia mates, alone i'll be on the computer doing some of my sideline projects, some which should see the fruits of labor quite soon i hope~

most of my multimedia mates are either working or waiting for enlistment, speaking of which mine's in september, still a long way to go but the driving license and other issues are enough to keep me busy till then. not like it's impossible but definitely harder to meet up with them now, beginning to miss those gud old days~

dad's been very busy these days; shuttling between the hospital, workplace and home. yeah my granny was hospitalized a few days ago due to poor appetite but was discharged today, glad that it was nothing too serious. i suppose the next thing dad's gonna worry about is my uncle, who's having problems with his family, big time.

shall not talk about more frustrating matters and stop here, take care and peace people~

bored

2005-04-26T01:44:00.001+08:00

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Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

taipei

2005-04-21T19:12:00.000+08:00

"it's all in my memory" was my reply to aifen when she asked me whether i need to record down the things we did each day during our taipei trip, hopefully my words weren't wrong and just to forewarn potential hazards ahead; this is gonna be a really long post lol~

use the hyperlinks below to ease navigation woes, enjoy~

DAY 1 - DAY 2 - DAY 3 - DAY 4 - DAY 5

******************************************************************************

DAY 1 “陌生之地，认识贵人，结伴远行。”

we arrived in taipei after a long and boring flight, nothing much to expect from a budget carrier since everything has to be done at minimal cost. anyways, we cleared immigration quite smoothly, except for me i guess cos' the officer couldn't see my passport extension and needed me to point out to him clearly where it was.

so we were outside the airport, exclaiming at how fine the weather was since the air-conditioning inside the airport was freakin' cold, we checked our mobile and realized that only nick's and mine were able to roam local networks, yeah communications all dependent on both of us lol~

aifen called up her friend, waited for a while at the pick-up bay guessing what kind of car he would pick us all up in. the formalities began by introducing each other and his name's ren wei, loaded our bags onto his car and off we went to the hostel. he specially stopped by his house along the way but for some reason we didn't visit so we continued on.

we got lost while trying to navigate around the city but eventually arrived there, we were greeted by sophia; owner of the hostel, dumped our bags and went down for dinner. we had shabu shabu, something like mini-steamboat where you cook your own food and stuff, pretty gud but mine was spoiled by gasteric pains towards the end of the meal.

after dinner ren wei suggested our itinerary for the next day; amusement park and a tourist attraction in the mountains, both distant locations made convenient by his car. i guess we were a little tired back then so we just agreed to it and headed back to the hostel.

the one thing we really have to complain about the hostel was the bed; it's so freakin' hard it felt like we were all sleeping on the floor. anyways, we made our beds, bathed and chatted a while before trying to sleep; i woke up at 3 regular intervals in the wee hours all thanks to the bed attributing to my spinal pains..

^

DAY 2 “惊险，刺激，尖叫。”

Leofoo Village Theme Park 六福村主题游乐园 [link]

woke up exceptionally early today, probably worried about the weather cos' it was drizzling and it might affect our visit to the amusement park as planned yesterday. ren wei picked us up and departed for the park despite the drizzle, we got lost again but nevertheless arrived at our destination unscathed after traveling through real narrow roads.

turns out we were driving through mountain roads which eventually led to where the park was; up in the mountains. pretty foggy when we arrived and the winds were unsparingly cold, yeah we were all in for some freezing fun lol~

paid for our admission tickets and aifen was pretty disappointed to hear that the conventional pirate ship was closed for maintenance cos' it was one of those less extreme rides she could take due to her heart problems.

Laughing Condor 笑傲飞鹰

the first highlight for the day!! we were actually standing on one end of the ride when something suddenly shot up from nowhere, yeah we knew this ride had to be taken already lol. to begin with, you'll be lifted off ground and sped off real fast to a twisted tower where you'll gradually twirl up to 180 degrees and later drop back down to another tower where you'll be left hanging there for a while before the whole process repeats itself again, of course with increased speed.

aifen waited for us outside while we queued up for the ride, i asked nick whether he was game enough for the first row, hesitant at first but when it was our turn, we took it lol, jianfei and xiang jun were right behind us followed by ren wei alone in the third row.

the ride ended with me wanting more of it and xiang jun commenting on nick's watery eyes, well he claimed that the drizzle caused them to be watery and not because he freaked out during the ride, it's up to you to guess and for him to know lol~

Sneaky Pete's Hide-out 炮轰入侵者

ren wei told us to take this opportunity to blast away at innocent parties on the big canyon rapids ride, we had 2 rounds of it and received a rude shock when one gal showed her middle finger after jianfei dealt a fatal blast to them lol~

Little Rattler 西部疯狂列车

this is a mini version of the roller coaster without loops of course, that's why everyone boarded it with jianfei and xiang jun taking the "first class" seats with aifen and ren wei, nick and i behind, short and quick ride though.

Flying Horse 天马行空

got cheated of our precious time thanks to us being naive enough to believe that this ride was something interesting based on its name, in actual fact it was the least interesting ride ever taken, imagine riding on a mechanical horse stroding outside only to get blown by the piercing winds and see some mannequins strut their stuff just before the ride ends, fun? not in my opinion, lowest in entertainment value, scrape it!! lol~

Ring Of Fire 风火轮

the second highlight of the day!! as usual xiang jun and i were both very excited when we saw this huge wheel with people spinning around within it, we can never give this ride a miss, mwahahaha~

put it simply, this ride revolves 360 degrees and at certain intervals, hangs everyone upside down for a few seconds before going for another round of revolution, pure wicked stuff people!! aifen and nick gave this ride a miss though.

Ali-Ba Ba & The Forty Thieves 啊里巴巴与四十大盗

i really don't know how a simple merry-go-round ride can get such a long and irrelevant name as mentioned above, especially when i don't see anyone riding on thieves except horses and carriages lol. nothing much about this ride except for a few spins and some fanciful decorations, snapped a few photos and walked over to..

Flying Carpet 飞毯

aifen freaked out at first when she misunderstood our demostration of how the ride would be like, when we asked the personnel there, she was more or less assured that it wouldn't have 360 degree flips lol. well she actually doubted my words when i guranteed her that the ride shouldn't pose any form of health hazard for her since i saw how the whole ride was during the ring of fire ride back then, ugh hurt lol~

as for nick, he didn't join us on the basis of feeling queasy due to motion sickness, after the ride aifen commented on how not scary the ride was, how she wanted another go at it and how much nick missed out on the scenery when the "carpet" revolved at its peak.

Pagoda's Revenge 大怒神

the third highlight for the day!! surprised that everyone dared to challenge the wrath of this angry god, we went in trios with nick, jianfei and xiang jun first and the rest of us later. the ride simply drops you from a staggering height of 53 meters without warning, gives you no time to react at all though we heard someone scream out loud after we left.

Sea Serpent 大海怪

the ride with a hidden agenda for nick lol. it was nothing much, the ride just spins around with ups and downs, that's all. but nick who was then beside me said that he was beginning to feel a little giddy when the ride picked up speed, uh huh..

Mighty Mountain Flume Adventure 火山历险

say goodbye to dry clothes from here onwards lol. initially we couldn't locate the ride cos' we went to another attraction which seemed to be attached to the intended one, so we walked around hitting dead ends and an accident happened; while walking down some steps, xiang jun lost her footing and slipped. thank god it wasn't very serious, lesson learnt? be careful when walking down slippery steps lol~

when we backtracked out of the wrong attraction, i spotted the place we should have been and proceeded there pronto. wanted to purchase some ponchos to keep ourselves dry but it was kinda steep on the price tag and didn't look very nice on us, so we gave it a pass and went on ahead, what brave people we were eh? splashing into water and enjoying the shiver thereafter lol~

loads of empty boats cos' it was quite late already, anyways we have the lineup for the plunges; first up nick and i, followed by aifen and ren wei, last but not least jian fei and xiang jun on the back and front seats respectively. yeah each boat can only accomodate 2 persons at any one time, well if you include your belongings that is.

Big Canyon Rapids Ride 大峡谷急流泛舟

the fourth and last highlight for the day, also the ride where everyone could play and thoroughly enjoy ourselves. wasn't expecting a lot out of this ride since the rest we took were all shortlived but i was wrong, imagine knocking into the curbs, water splashing in and trying to dodge them, yeah it was that exciting, to the extent of us going for another round lol~

Animal Kingdom 野生动物王国

aifen's favorite place to be at among others in the theme park, we came here after lunch since the food weren't digested for more thrilling rides yet lol.

we then proceeded to the bus stop where a tour around the animal habitation area picks up from, along the way we stopped by the animal clinic where we were all fascinated at a newborn orang utan; it was so small and cute, unlike its older counterparts lol. we heard some funny noise emanating from behind a wall beside us, wanted to check it out but the panels were too tall for any of us to see despite jianfei jumping up to take a glimpse at it.

Jiufen Village 九份

the trip from the theme park to this village in the mountains was quite uncomfortable for most of us, especially after wetting our jeans and well, probably underwear too lol. anyways, we arrived there with almost dry clothes, which was much needed for cos' the weather up here sent all of us cowering for shelter, wahahaha~

the main attraction of this village was just a walkway with shops selling local delicacies and souvenir, but the problem was most of these shops were closed and we were all hungry, so we settled for some warm dessert before heading back down to the city for dinner.

ate at some seafood restaurant but my gasteric was acting up again so didn't have much. today was fun, well save for the wet jeans and stuff, it would be so much better if the weather wasn't that cold, imagine cooling ourselves in the heat of summer? mwahahaha~

^

DAY 3 “大雾后，登上世界之冠，观美景。”

Xingtian Temple 行天宫

freshened up and started our day off visiting this temple, about 5 minutes walk from our hostel. upon reaching, nick and aifen were ready to snap some artistic shots of the temple but needed someone to confirm whether photography was allowed in such a religious place, so i went outside to ask this policeman who stared at me from head to toe before answering my question, eh am i that foreign to you!?

anyways, we couldn't engage in any religious activities like divination and stuff cos' they were having some sorta prayer session with everyone looking really serious, we prayed to the gods and when xiang jun crossed over a kneeling pad to be with jianfei, a granny told her in dialect she can't do that, so much for superstitions eh? we soon left the temple for..

^

Yang Ming Shan National Park 阳明山国家公园 [link]

after walking a long stretch of road for like 20 minutes, we finally reached the bus stop but not before stopping by NET, a clothing retail store trying to clear their spring stock to prepare for summer. aifen, nick and me each bought a new jacket to brace ourselves for the impending cold weather up in the mountains~

the bus journey took about 40 minutes where we along the way, snapped photos of our new jackets and the bus. upon reaching the terminal stop, i tried asking for directions to the visitor center from an uncle, for some reason i couldn't express my question in a conversable manner so he kept on suggesting possible things i wanted to ask but it made me even more desperate to ask in english lol~

finally xiang jun and the rest came to my rescue and he told us that the flower season was just over last week, quite disappointed cos' the gals were pretty hopeful of seeing the sakura and others, he suggested other places worth visiting so off we went, to the visitor center first!!

we followed the directions as indicated; 0.4km to the visitor center so we trekked this nature trail for like 15 minutes before stopping and thought "eh is 0.4km that long?", we continued on despite aifen's flat feet hurting. another 10 minutes passed, we met an uncle who told us that the visitor center was just up ahead, 5 minutes later we finally reached our destination, now we know exactly how far 0.4km was lol~

as usual photo snapping session took place and we proceeded for a very long lunch, i was busy examining the map we acquired at the makeshift visitor center while the rest ordered food. jianfei made a remark about the fruits-flower-tea we ordered which was pretty contagious, more about it in a while, mwahahaha~

we visited one of the main attractions recommended by the few people we met along the way but sadly it was too foggy so all we could do was to smell the dense sulphur and try to hear the spurting of volcanic liquids. we canceled 2 of planned attractions there and ended our tour here earlier than expected~

we took the same bus down the mountains and to the other terminal stop, Taipei Main Station, where we transfered to the metro for the very first time. at first we didn't know where the station was so we asked for direction from this school kid who aifen commented walked like a model, lol~

anyways we were led to the right place and here's the contagious part; when i went to change for coins, the rest of them were laughing like nobody's business, it appears that jianfei was meddling with the coin dispenser machine and when you select the english translation, it'll say:

"PLEASE SELECT A TRANSACTION"

one can guess that this phrase will reign throughout the whole trip, with aifen repeating it every now and then, followed by xiang jun. you really gotta hear it to know how funny it was, more of aifen's crazy antics later~

^

Taipei Financial Center 101 台北金融大楼101 [link]

the world's tallest building is a mere 10 minutes walk from the Taipei City Hall metro station. we arrived there at around evening and as expected, were greeted by designer shops all over the shopping mall; a place i won't see myself splurging on until i earn like one million a year lol~

we went to the observatory reception to check things out before deciding our next destination, an excited xiang jun approached the people at the reception of a fitness center and we all had a gud laugh when they pointed in the correct direction. so we were done with all the questioning, we decided to walk around a while more, grab a bite and off to the observatory~

we ended up in the sony gallery where we had internet connection, so we checked out blogs and stuff and guess what? all of a sudden xiang jun asked us to turn our heads around and we spotted jason hsu of 5566 behind us!! okay to set the record straight, we are all not fans of that group so we simply ignored him and went off, wahahaha~

the architecture of the building was really marvelous so we ended up trying to take shots of it but got stopped by this security guard who looked pretty intimidating with a baton in his hand. the gals went to the washroom and the guys got a drink themselves except for me, everyone got together and we started chatting and joking around, nick shared some really funny jokes that got us laughing real bad~

we went to the nearby New York New York for dinner and got 2 towering cones of ice cream for dessert, as we made our way back to the observatory via an open bridge, the strong winds together with the ice cream made us all shiver like hell, but we seem to enjoy the experience lol~

back to the observatory, we bought the tickets and zoomed up to the 89th level of the building in like 31 seconds? yeah we just took the world's fastest elevator; felt nothing much actually but it's pretty surreal to see that we're ascending so quickly, oh yeah the whole elevator turned dark during the climb and the ceiling was a sea of glimmering stars, very cool stuff~

so we walked around the observatory, wow-ing at the spectacular city lights, checking out exhibits and snapping away at some cool angles. it wasn't until a while later then we realize that the center of the observatory was the main attraction; 1 of 3 wind dampers to stabilize the entire building when threatening winds blow. we poked fun at the mascot; baby damper, by snapping a group photo of us imitating the same pose it took, it was really funny back then~

when we were about to leave the observatory, aifen was swooning at a male stuff charged with escorting visitors to the elevator. while she was equipped with her camera, getting into the right stance to snap a photo of him, i made a suggestion to make her life much easier "why don't you just walk over and ask him to take a photo together?", she refused on the account of being shy. as we approached the queue, aifen attempted to take a snap at him when nick suddenly said "excuse me", from behind, aifen couldn't capture a gud shot while the rest of us got a shock since we were pretty focused on what she was doing lol~

oh we exchanged our ticket stubs for a limited edition bookmark, great memorabilia besides the ticket and photos!! as we walked back to the metro station, we stopped at a nearby park to take some crazy shots with passerbys staring at us. continuing on, jianfei did not give me the benefit of doubt when he asked me whether we were going in the right direction, ugh i did the transport research okay!? lol joking.. anyways, we walked back to the hostel while buying food and munching them along the way~

^

DAY 4 “女人购物乐，男人饮食乐，大家摩天乐。”

Ximen Market 西门市场

the gals were the excited bunch for today, not sure about the other guys but i mentioned to the rest before, i loathed shopping and as it turned out, i was quite sick this morning lol.. never mind that, we took a direct bus down and started walking around the area, we ate the famous vermicelli and the rest later had bubble tea.

one thing we'll always remember about this place was the huge dog nick caught for aifen. i sponsered nick a hundred bucks to catch the dog hanging near the exit and he caught it in 4 tries!! once caught, the shop personnel put another dog at the exact same spot tempting us to catch it again, this time for xiang jun, we spent more money doing so but in vain lol~

while the gals were having their manicure, the guys rested their tired legs in an underground shopping facility. jianfei went to the washroom and came back with a surprise for xiang jun; a white tiger he caught with 1 try!! yeah we talked about how tired we were and it led on to things like acupuncture, went back to get the gals after chatting for 15 minutes.

oh we decided to get ren wei a gift for all the trouble we imposed on him during our stay in taipei, so the 5 of us bought him a zippo lighter~ the salesgirl provided a free carving service so aifen called up ren wei to ask for his name and yeah, the inner shell was engraved with his name and the date we bought it~

basically the gals were shopping while the guys merely followed them around and bought food to eat whenever possible. the frenzy ended with xiang jun emerging victorious as the shopping queen!! nick left empty-handed but with quite a full stomach lol~

me? haha even though i said that i loathed shopping, i bought a very interesting block calender i fell in love with at first sight!! the other thing i bought was some chocolate and sweets from a retail store selling such stuff in funny packages like condoms, band aids and stuff~

^

Shilin Night Market 士林夜市

it's food fiesta for the guys again having eaten quite a lot back then, we bought a wide variety of food including choice favorites; fermented tofu and honey bitter gourd drink. nick tried a bit of everything and decided it was best to go western, so he and jianfei bought some expensive western food and shared around~

dinner was pretty fulfilling for me, especially the fermented tofu!! oh well, i'll be back for more next time i fly to taipei again. we took the underpass back to the metro station and then again, jianfei doubted me by asking whether we were walking in the right direction, uh i look pretty blur to depend on for directions eh? ah forget it lol~

^

Miramar Entertainment Park 美丽华百乐园 [link]

the shuttle bus from the metro station dropped us right in front of the ferris wheel, not a very gud place if you ask me cos' all of us took out our cameras and started snapping away at the magnificent structure lol~

and as expected, the photo snapping hype continues as we made our way up and around the shopping mall to where the ferris wheel was. it didn't stop when we reached our destination though, all those fancy lightings and a merry-go-round made the hype live longer, so i gather that around 20 minutes were spent snapping photos from the moment we arrived to the moment we got inside the cabin of the ferris wheel, wahahaha~

we purchased the tickets from the cinema box office, which was weird since the ferris wheel was the biggest attraction there, why ain't there a dedicated booth selling its tickets? anyways, we were told that the tickets could be exchanged for a popcorn and drink, so here's the crux; no food and drinks were allowed inside the cabin of the ferris wheel, so what's the point of it when you can't enjoy the view together with the food and drink? go figure~

jianfei was feeling uneasy; he commented that he was really scared and felt insecure and aifen was rubbing in on that, while nick was feeling a little queasy during the revolution of the ferris wheel, we talked and joked around to ease their uncomfort. we tried to wave to the people in the cabin behind us when we reached the peak of the revolution, they pretty much ignored our friendly gesture initially; probably excited at the height we were all at, but we caught sight of their not-so-enthusiastic waving back when our cabin slowly descended lol~

back down on sturdy ground, while xiang jun was exchanging for the popcorn and drink, we meddled with the ticket kiosk and here's where aifen's crazy antics kick in again. when choosing the number of tickets to purchase; strangely 2 was the maximum, the kiosk would normally prompt for error, aifen repeatedly pressed the button and the result you get will be:

"E.. E.. ERR.. ERR.. ERROR.. ERROR.."

so there you have it, 2 phrases to spam throughout the trip though tomorrow is the last day. we had a rude encounter with a policeman when asking for directions back to the hostel, apparently he was busy checking something out on the roads so he couldn't be bothered to give complete answers.

^

DAY 5 “快乐时光，圆满结束，记忆永存。”

Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall 中正记念堂

let's see, more than a decade ago during my first visit to this place, it was pretty rundown and badly maintained, my second visit just last year saw 2 new buildings beautifying the entire area; the national theatre and concert halls. today? nothing new except for an on-going exhibition about taiwan.

as the rest of us were busy snapping the scenery, jianfei and nick went to the nearby mos burger to grab some fries and drinks. aifen said the fries were very nice and wanted to get more on our way back but i didn't see that happening lol. we looked around the exhibition under the scorching sun and had a rude encounter, yet again, this time with a woman who accused us of stepping on the map of taiwan with our shoes on.

duh first thing we are bilingual and can read and understand the instructions very clearly, we followed the instructions, took off our shoes and walked all over taiwan, as if conquering the whole country lol. then she came later after we put on our shoes and started accusing us, obviously we couldn't take it lying down and rebutted in english, ren wei told us that she said that she understood english cos' she's a graduate from some university, tsk big deal. ren wei then told us to ignore such people and left.

oh it doesn't stop here actually, turns out she wasn't very happy when we just took off and started stalking us!! as we made our way up to the memorial hall, i could see her following right behind us, hiding in between the exhibits whenever we turned behind. the last time we saw her, i pointed straight at her with a cold, hard stare, LOL~

headed inside the hall, the usual routine took place but this time, a japanese duo approached us to help them take a photo; we unanimously pointed to aifen so yeah, she took up the task. when aifen asked them how they wanted the photo to be taken in japanese, they replied with hand gestures; we figured that they were handicapped or something.

we proceeded down to the exhibition halls to check out some stuff pertaining to the founding father of taiwan; paintings, cars and some furnitures. there was a table manned by an uncle laid with chinese brushes and a roll of writing paper, well he told us to write our names even though we were not skilled in calligraphy, so we kinda spoiled the other writings on the paper lol~

exited the hall from the other side and we ended up seeing a really long dragon made of recycled bottles!! yeah we snapped some photos again and off we were to..

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Danshui 淡水

our last destination in taipei!! the first place we visited here was a gallery where they displayed all the freaky things around the world, the admission price was reasonable given that the place itself wasn't very big. before we went in though, we played around with a lizard free for anyone to touch as long as you dared to, aifen asked around if any of us dared to touch it, well i suppose i was quite bored so i went on ahead and initiated the touch, nothing much really. after everyone had their go at it, i went back and lifted the lizard off the platform from its tail and dropped it down, so much for entertaining myself eh?

we left the gallery and i bought a really tall ice cream, much taller than the one we had back then in day 3, had a hard time with it cos' everybody just took a bite and it was dripping like nobody's business. nick had another go at catching toys but failed so we proceeded to have some local delicacies for lunch.

went to the seaside walkway behind the main street we were at after lunch, the gals proposed taking a neoprint since it was a rare opportunity for them to do so back home, and perhaps it would serve as another form of remembering our trip here. disfiguring and vandalizing might be part of a woman's forte, after all they did a pretty gud job on our first print.

we walked down and found something interesting; a booth equipped with air guns and crap loads of ballons, all waiting for you to shoot at them and accumulate points in exchange for toys and even guns, well toy guns that is. the guys had their first try at it and we had enough points for a white seal, chosen by xiang jun~

ren wei had plans to bring us to a harbor; which i been to previously, nothing much there just some scenery and sea breeze, but was abandoned partly due to my blunder of an earlier flight time and the addiction to the air gun game lol. everyone played during the second round and the gals surprisingly fared better than the guys, with the exception of ren wei cos' he had a perfect score!! actually the guys were trying to hit the ballons on a spinning wheel that's why we underperformed but hey, xiang jun exchanged all our hardwork and the white seal for a big green frog~

aifen and xiang jun wanted one last round of neoprint before leaving, it was pretty much uncalled for since the first one was badly disfigured and vandalized, but i thought maybe the second one might be a little more normal and boy was i so wrong!! it was as bad as the first one but come to think about it, when we look back on this in the future, we should see a side of us that has left us already; think young, wild and childish lol~

ren wei drove us to the airport, snapped some photos with him and as a group, finally accomplished my mission of buying books for my mom and yeah, we bid a final farewell to him before we walked through the departure gate.

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took me very long to get this post up, details need time yeah? take care and peace people~

attachment, detachment

2005-04-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

thursday marked the end of my internship with defence science & technology agency, to be frank i am happy that there won't be anymore early mornings and late nights every weekday and spending short weekends with loved ones. yet a tinge of sadness lingers in my heart when i left the office, contradictory as it may sound but; i guess i'm attached to the people and things around me during the 4 months spent with the company.

you know how it's like, when the relationship between total strangers begin to build up over a certain period of time, just when they are getting all attached to each other, you are forced to leave them? i don't know how this works for the rest of you but i hate it when the relationship just stop developing from there, be it a friend-friend relationship or whatsoever. the feeling of detachment has quite a bit of funny effect on me, i wonder if any of it has surfaced lol..

oh well, ringo treated a small group of us to curry fish head at ymca around orchard, chee wei drove us around the neighborhood to check out some really cool houses; quite an eye-opener for me. on the trip back, we drove past a primary school and was shocked to see a bunch of kids cornering a small boy!! well anna wanted to stop the car and shout at those kids but we kinda sped pass them so we just continued on with ringo sharing his experience with fights back then in secondary school~

later that day, we celebrated zihao's birthday but got the wet blanket when we found out chinablack was closed, so much for our excitement eh? nevertheless, we decided to make a trip down to boat quay and settle with a pub and indeed, the chocolate bar was our choice of the night!! can't really say that it was a gud choice nor was it a bad choice, the waitress was trying so hard to persuade us to buy a bottle of vodka for 180 bucks rather than wasting money, in her own context, buying 3 jugs of drinks. zihao as usual couldn't make up his mind so after a lot of hesitation, we all settled for 3 jugs of vodka mixed with red bull, lime and sprite; we aren't heavy drinkers all right?

had a few games of pool with 2 indian guys, how nice of them to treat us to a jug of beer~ rayston and jianfei couldn't tell what brand of beer it was, well my speculation was beck's since the jug was labeled that and everywhere around the bar had labels of it, go figure~ headed off to grab a bite when a big group of malays took over the place, my head was spinning while my other friends were eating and chatting, shared a cab with tse yen back home, bathed and stoned on the sofa before crashing the bed.

friday was the post-internship briefing which i suppose was nothing more than a mere check of the log book. before i met up with my liaison officer, i attended a mini conference with a visiting professor from the united kingdom to review our course of study, it was pretty amusing when some of us shared their viewpoints on their 3 years of study here, but i kept quiet throughout the session, guess the atmosphere wasn't conducive enough for me to speak back then, tsk..

coming monday we'll be flying off to taipei!! started packing a little but will finalize everything by tomorrow, the itinerary has been decided and i'm planning the specifics, well in the midst of it but it'll be ready soon i hope lol~ looking at the itinerary, i'm reminded of how i missed the first 2 episodes of the o.c. and how soon it is i'll be missing the third episode in a row!? thank god i have my sources and i can catch up on the series anytime lol~

okay enough of me typing, it's getting way too long already and i suppose this is also way too long overdue? here are the photos taken during my birthday celebration last week:

won't be blogging until i come back from taipei, till then take care and peace people~

the big two

2005-04-04T15:51:00.000+08:00

yesterday i celebrated my 20th birthday with a bunch of close polytechnic friends and my family, it was a small and modest gathering with western fare for dinner, red ruby for dessert and not forgetting a black forest birthday cake~

the main entertainment of the evening was the television and probably a few rounds of heart attack; as usual we were all trying to strike a change in zihao's expressions but it turned out to be a futile attempt, go figure~

planned the places we will be visiting for our taipei trip but nothing was discussed about our game, i guess that can wait until we all have our fair share of rest eh? and yes, let's not forget the wallpaper prank pulled by jianfei, LOL~

i want to thank my mom for preparing a sumptuous dinner for everyone of us, my sister for giving me a brand new wallet with a little 'extra' inside it hehe, aifen, cecilia, jianfei, xiang jun, rayston and zihao for the 2 very nice shirts and last but not least, nick for the last minute present lol~

looking forward to this thursday cos' we're celebrating the end of itp and zihao's birthday!! it's also the long-time realization of having our gathering in a club so yeah, we're gonna party like hell on thursday night~

another year has passed, i've reached the big two; a hint that i should move on to another phase of my life, where i must learn to be really independent for the imminent national service, take more responsibility for the actions i take and the consequences it may result onto other people and seriously plan for my future. before i get my 'key to freedom' in less than 364 days, it's time now to prepare myself for it~

a lot has happened over the past week around us and the globe, let us all move on ahead and start this week afresh!! just hang in there for 3 more days all right? have a great week ahead, take care and peace people~

oh one last thing:

thanks for the wonderful memories~

hopes. tears. memories.

2005-04-02T22:03:00.000+08:00

this post was supposed to be published few days back but it took me forever to blog down my thoughts, perhaps it was too painful to recollect my memories, so i decided to have this mini-tribute to andrew:

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someone who i worked with closely for our final year project, someone who i regarded as part of my polytechnic clique, someone who i look up to for his strong yet mellow personality; it's andrew, a freak accident took him away from us..

vivid memories of you still replay in my mind at this very moment; rushing for project deadlines every semester, going through thick and thin during our final year project, having fun and enjoying ourselves at class outings..

i remember the cashcard incident where you were confronted by that lecturer after swearing loudly at the accused, back then i was at a total lost and i just wanted everything to end quickly, but you were there standing up for me; that sense of righteousness struck a thought in me:

"would i be able to find another friend who would be so righteous?"

you were always running around trying to hit the volleyball and picking it up whenever it bounced away from us, it showed us the bubbly side of your personality instead of your usual quiet self.

i guess the reason why i broke down was that i took your presence for granted, i was oblivious to the fact that you would just walk away from us like this, i thought that you will always be beside us, but it isn't so..

you know, i wanted to ask you to come back together as 8gg to complete our game, but you didn't give me the chance to even ask you. i want you to know now, that the rest of us will continue this journey, to complete the game, in your honor.

at the wake 2 days back, i saw you resting in the cold hard coffin, it was a sight i didn't want to see. i was in a state of denial; how could such a young, righteous and bubbly person like you be in there?

i'm regretful of not being there to bid you a final farewell yesterday and i don't know what happens in the afterlife, but i hope you'll find peace in wherever you are right now and remember, you will be missed by all of us.

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stay strong, take care and peace people~